Health, Sex and Intimacy: I have sex

I have sex

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 17:58 - United States - Athens

Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 532

You deserved it 16 291

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Oops, I Did It Again

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 762

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 177

You deserved it 2 373

By ilovedirt - 10/07/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 320

You deserved it 3 768

Isn't that, like, a crime?

By Dan - 22/09/2024 14:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, while swimming in a lake, I was feeling frisky so I dropped my swimsuit and went underwater and masturbated. After I came, I resurfaced and saw two girls giggling. With their goggles they'd seen the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 610

Life's a beach

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 155

You deserved it 6 016

By Anonymous - 18/05/2012 19:19 - United States - Paterson

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 3 561

No warning

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend bought a bikini he wanted me to wear in our hot tub. Unfortunately, I ran out of swimsuits for my daily swim at the public pool, so I took the new bikini. Now I know why he wanted to be alone when I wore it, as water turns it see-through and melts the stitching so it falls off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 512

Flop

By Flop era - 04/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I thought I'd impress my friends with a backflip into the pool. I ended up smacking my back on the edge of the diving board and belly-flopping into the water. Now I have a bruise and a story that everyone is intent on retelling. I'm just glad no one was filming me. I hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 476

Hey guys!

By iannie - 31/07/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 392

You deserved it 39 513

This is fine

By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 02:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 660

You deserved it 10 375

wisericky 12

Monday 5 August 2013 22:36

You should have been like. "You should see the other guy"

roflstomp716 19

Monday 5 August 2013 22:38

guess you were cruisin' for a bruisin'..

Comments

wisericky 12

Monday 5 August 2013 22:36

You should have been like. "You should see the other guy"

lex1459 38

Monday 5 August 2013 22:45

You should have started crying and claiming the demon from the conjuring was after you

soccerstar1996 18

Monday 5 August 2013 22:47

OPs like, "Yeah, I wrestled a bear while drinking Dos Equis"

webbface 25

Wednesday 7 August 2013 11:51

I find it kinda odd that your entire back was covered in bruises just from sex. Jeez I thought I was rough for scratches and little marks. Now I know if I actually wanna be rough I need to tell my bf to punch me constantly in the back while he is getting me from behind. Oh get a whip and whip the shit outta my back! Or smash me into some rocks! Jeez forget pleasure, bring on the pain. I hope you just bruise easily.

michelleJ11 25

Monday 5 August 2013 22:36

Bet that took a lot of convincing ... Sounds like an interesting conversation though. Hopefully it didn't end with one of your parents stores of their experiences ...

michelleJ11 25

Monday 5 August 2013 22:38

Stories** whoops.

roflstomp716 19

Monday 5 August 2013 22:38

guess you were cruisin' for a bruisin'..

PterodactylMan 23

Monday 5 August 2013 23:48

That had to hurt OP

Zimmington 21

Monday 5 August 2013 22:40

Well, he was technically beating Something up.

missfrenchie 11

Tuesday 6 August 2013 5:58

He was beating... dat ass *cue Barney video* say it with me now.. Dat Ass~

Zimmington 21

Monday 5 August 2013 22:43

Irrelevant received cunnilings

CoffeeChickBlows 13

Monday 5 August 2013 22:52

What the **** are cunnilings? Oh, you meant "***********"? Well your comment still blows.

Zimmington 21

Monday 5 August 2013 23:10

Yeah I meant *********** but my my phone kept correcting it. Anyway I knew this comment would get thumbed down but I thought it would prevent more "Doesn't matter had sex" comments. But since #10 is exactly that I failed twice.

Clioo_fml 17

Tuesday 6 August 2013 1:42

Correcting it to cunnilings? Since when do phones autocorrect to nonexistent words? Unless you've been using that word before continuously...but for what?!