Got the sniffles

By Jizzyface - 29/12/2013 12:36 - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Spicy
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
I agree, your life sucks 56 380
You deserved it 28 893
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Top comments

Comments

Damian95 16

There are honestly too many puns that one could use to describe this disgusting fluid to face situation.

7 71
swick25 22

Really? This is the only intelligent comment that you can think to write? And 250 of you ******* idiots thumbed up it? Wow what are you all five years old? Do you all giggle if someone says that someone is going to erect a building? grow the **** up.

5 99
muzy 23

#76- Wow... who jizzed in your cornflakes?

249 7
JustinKirby 20

OP that's not how you give a ********....

138 2
swick25 22

@ #82 Stupid people who can't think of making a comment that a 12yr old would make. That's who jizzed in my corn flakes. And its Lucky Charm's!!!!! :)

RenoTheRhino 30

#82, your profile picture would best fit #76.

60 6
swick25 22

@ #82 Stupid people who can't think of making a comment that a 12yr old would make. That's who jizzed in my corn flakes. And its Lucky Charm's!!!!! :)

0 18
TheZigg 8

This is literally the funniest FML I've ever seen...

8 22
\ 28

#76- "Thumbed up it" is awkwardly worded. It should be "thumbed it up." I was enjoying your fiery rant until your poor grammar done upsetted me.

62 9
HisAngel6511 11

#76...I giggled when I read the word erect.

28 2
happyevil 10

Haha same here... Erect :D Btw #76 (#103) no gives a crap what kind cereal you have that got jizzed in. Damn if you don't want to be nice and stop being a retard get off the site. It's optional to voice your opinion... At least make it amusing and non-bitchy.

10 2
Lacist 19

#103 "It's Lucky Charm's!!!" That makes no ******* sense what kind of stupid ******* bitch makes a terrible cereal joke that is totally irrelevant to the situation. What the **** is wrong with you, get some social awareness, what are you 12? "grow the **** up." (sarcasm)

9 2
SuperMew 22

It's what the cuttlefish do...

1 1
MooCowPlywood 9

Holy shit! My first comment ever and I have so many thumbs ups!

3 6
RenoTheRhino 30

At least she doesn't know! But, time to get washed up!

209 4
dingleberrysteve 6

she probably wouldnt figure it out regardless

2 14
sandraw1 22

Yeah! Why do every guy expect us girls to swallow that shit when boys can't even look at it?

278 19
IloveToLaugh143 21

So you'd rather have it inside you then on you where you can easily wash it off?

124 14
TheNewGuy03 28

13 -- in that case, it's almost like autofellatio. You're getting high off your own supply, so to speak. I like going down on a chick, but I never wanna taste my own spunk. Some people like it. To each their own...

16 65
Kibaruto 33

If it's in you it's clean, fast and sexy. Otherwise you get a mess and maybe even a stain.

70 17
rg350dx 29

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
136 29
Zebediabolical 39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
martin8337 35

That and probably gay guys too.

2 8
Chris93Jones 20

# 63 69 dislikes. I think the community planned this. also, most guys aren't fond of the sight, but others like seeing it on their partner, everyone is different, hope you find the wonderful guy who wants to bust on your face instead of in your mouth I think # 2?

1 6
mattswagerty 3

Dang.. That is so gross. That would be terrible. I'm sorry OP

54 9
worldclassrager 39

Always the way out...you could have grabbed a new one and then blew your nose in that one making her think you needed a second one...

282 2
WhisperSoflty 20

Is there an echo in here?

74 0
Arthurie 30

@95 I think so. I just found Narcissus so she can't be far behind.

38 2
lonelyguy1995 5

#85 I laughed way too hard at yoyr comment

0 1
worldclassrager 39

What is the point of this thread? Do I win a prize or something?

1 1
whatafuckup 14

I don't think she would question a tissue in your hand. Paranoid.

157 4
Epikouros 31

That's what Christian guilt does with you...

75 5
Thunderstruck14 30

You're lucky if you havent had to be around the people who will question and lecture at you for almost anything. There ARE those kinds of people out there. I doubt OP was being paranoid.

17 3
SpicyDuck 22

I don't see why you couldn't have passed it off as tissue you have a already blown hour nose into...

17 2
BillMurray_fml 12

That took some serious spunk to work up the cajones to pull it off that quickly. I applaud you, OP.

93 3
FangirlingAlways 14

You never know. Maybe she heard him. We need a follow up OP!

2 7