Intimacy: Candidly

Candidly

By Anonymous - 14/03/2014 04:06 - Canada - London

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 027

You deserved it 7 358

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 17 912

By lonelyandbored - 31/05/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 353

You deserved it 11 201

Guilt trip

By annoyed - 11/05/2016 11:40 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 049

You deserved it 1 434

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 6 871

It's the thought that counts

By come on man - 29/11/2014 17:03 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me like that?? Srsly fuck off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 502

You deserved it 7 444

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 676

You deserved it 6 641

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 725

You deserved it 33 263

Deep fake

By ohtheshame - 02/05/2011 08:34

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 975

You deserved it 10 760

Talk sexy to me

By fed up/turned off - 02/10/2013 05:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 563

You deserved it 6 798

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 057

You deserved it 1 445

Zelphoric 25

Friday 14 March 2014 12:00

He wants dirty texts? Send him a picture of mud, maybe he'll understand that. Quite dirty if I do say so myself.

m22100 14

Friday 14 March 2014 11:58

Maybe you should send pics, that's more clear. ;)

Comments

m22100 14

Friday 14 March 2014 11:58

Maybe you should send pics, that's more clear. ;)

nightfire2258 24

Friday 14 March 2014 12:04

That could go very bad very fast. Especially if the relationship doesn't last. Plus the NSA is watching...

Pleonasm 35

Friday 14 March 2014 12:06

The NSA is currently too busy posing as facebook to notice; go for it.

smc3106 25

Friday 14 March 2014 14:01

Just keep your face out of them and you'll be alright. Lol

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 14 March 2014 14:22

Damn. That was harsh! You saying she's a butter face?

rawr1308 14

Friday 14 March 2014 14:34

He's saying if you keep your face out of the pictures and they do get posted online at least no one will know who it's a picture of.

SuperStormCindy 8

Friday 14 March 2014 19:20

It's a common rule of sending nudes to never include your face.

cryssycakesx3 22

Friday 14 March 2014 20:28

unless you have tattoos...

brianlarkin 7

Friday 14 March 2014 11:59

I'm not really sure how to respond to this

SgtAssCheeks 21

Friday 14 March 2014 12:24

Shouldn't have responded at all.

amzing_a16 10

Friday 14 March 2014 13:32

Then don't...

fivetimeslonger 24

Friday 14 March 2014 18:04

I got it! Made me giggle.

AlaskanG 27

Friday 14 March 2014 20:41

You're reaching too far.

davincidasecond 24

Friday 14 March 2014 22:22

Am I the only one who got the joke ...?

toaster123 11

Friday 14 March 2014 23:21

apparently yes.

pita1331 7

Saturday 15 March 2014 0:15

Nope i got the joke as well

TallMist 32

Sunday 13 April 2014 10:05

I understood and it was funny.

Zelphoric 25

Friday 14 March 2014 12:00

He wants dirty texts? Send him a picture of mud, maybe he'll understand that. Quite dirty if I do say so myself.

SgtAssCheeks 21

Friday 14 March 2014 12:28

Sometimes I send a picture of a public restroom. Now that's dirty as hell.

Dthsapprntc 23

Friday 14 March 2014 18:21

The worst toilet in Scotland from "Trainspotting"? Doesn't get much dirtier than that.

cryssycakesx3 22

Friday 14 March 2014 20:30

I loved that movie. that bathroom is definitely the dirtiest.

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Friday 14 March 2014 12:00

Send him illustrations, that should clear things up.

BeautifulChaos27 37

Friday 14 March 2014 12:01

Lets hope he really knows what you mean and is just trying to get more detailed responces out of you by playing dumb.

doglover100 28

Friday 14 March 2014 12:01

What did he expect when he said "dirty things"?

You_Screwed_Up 7

Saturday 15 March 2014 0:12

Things that need to be cleaned

doglover100 28

Saturday 15 March 2014 1:29

That's what I thought.

alex_gen 38

Friday 14 March 2014 12:01

Did he say sexual or just "dirty"?

BellaBelle_fml 23

Saturday 15 March 2014 0:38

Does it really need clarification?

EdenCrystal 21

Saturday 15 March 2014 1:59

Apparently to him

Amoondris 17

Friday 14 March 2014 12:02

Sometimes being vague or implying things rather than stating them flat out is confusing. Some guys just need you to say exactly what you want when you want it and tell them exactly what you are going to do in detail.