Intimacy: Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME...

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 669

You deserved it 8 162

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Get on with it

By KaRaSu - 22/11/2008 12:24 - France

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 914

You deserved it 7 113

Honest

By fml1977 - 04/03/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 384

You deserved it 8 015

Stuff

By BOO! - 25/05/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 404

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 176

You deserved it 10 861

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 279

You deserved it 5 630

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 782

Routine

By youaresodumb - 27/09/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 448

You deserved it 34 356

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 857

You deserved it 6 269

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 613

You deserved it 91 020

By katie - 25/05/2011 08:23

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 973

You deserved it 19 174

Scubanaut 13

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:16

Did you quit her cold turkey?

Bwcoleman222 5

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:20

"I'LL HOP ON YOU LIKE THE EASTER BUNNY!"

Comments

ECHOSPiiKES 19

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:15

First

GirlGamer12345 22

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:16

Does she happen to have a turkey fetish?

golferman72 16

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:53

Did you put some gravy on that turkey?

zandalee 19

Tuesday 15 April 2014 1:47

I would so hide the turkey baster!

GirlGamer12345 22

Tuesday 15 April 2014 3:32

I always see these wasted #1 comments. I never realized I would be one of them

scooterdude720 19

Tuesday 15 April 2014 4:04

Don't worry, you weren't. You were #2.

ttubear 17

Tuesday 15 April 2014 4:05

You're #2

Stazza11 27

Tuesday 15 April 2014 4:12

Um, merry Christmas?? Haha

Scubanaut 13

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:16

Did you quit her cold turkey?

maggiefox 25

Tuesday 15 April 2014 3:10

HA. Cute.

incoherentrmblr 21

Tuesday 15 April 2014 4:25

#3 should've been #1.

You_Aint_Chet 5

Tuesday 15 April 2014 4:37

That was punny.

hulopro 16

Tuesday 15 April 2014 14:19

You fowl baster. D.

LCPLStewie 23

Friday 18 April 2014 8:47

Stop. get off. grab turkey baster. throw onto bed. say finish your self. then leave

whatwhatindayeah 11

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:17

that phrase is only used on thanksgiving

devilldogg 5

Tuesday 15 April 2014 3:19

op didn't

extrasnipes 22

Tuesday 15 April 2014 3:25

He didn't even bother to cum

Ki11erC 18

Tuesday 15 April 2014 12:05

4: No it's not, not everyone lives in America, amazing as that may seem.

IloveToLaugh143 21

Tuesday 15 April 2014 13:43

It wasn't literal, it was a joke, as amazing as that may seem.

shaww 28

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:17

Thanksgiving already?

Cassmoneyyy 15

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:17

Do not blame you. Why would she think that is sexy? Lol. Unless either of you have a food fetish..

DeadPixel4 29

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:19

I would make a funny comment, but your gf beat me to it.

penguin_bitchez 15

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:19

boner killer

BobRyder 24

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:20

Should have replied, "Yeah baby I got the baster right here!"

JimmyHasNoHands 7

Tuesday 15 April 2014 8:44

perfect comment with face

MLardinos 14

Tuesday 15 April 2014 14:35

Yea, I bet he's a real master baster!

Bwcoleman222 5

Tuesday 15 April 2014 0:20

"I'LL HOP ON YOU LIKE THE EASTER BUNNY!"

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

Today, I took my new boyfriend's virginity about 10 minutes ago. He kept whispering, "It’s inside you, it’s actually inside you… feels kind of sticky, slippery, it’s actually inside you I can’t believe it.” It was super off-putting and a bit creepy. And no, I definitely did not orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 277

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 4 692

The Top

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 147

You deserved it 6 814

Today, I dressed up nicely to see the guy that I like and have been talking to for the last 3 months. Just when I thought he was finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend, he told me that he's actually had a girlfriend for 3 years now, but was too afraid to tell me because he really likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 148

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 768

You deserved it 4 569

Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 734

You deserved it 334

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 166

You deserved it 6 359

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 724

You deserved it 2 182

Same thing different taste

Get on with it

Honest

Stuff

Fast and Furious

Routine

Bad sign

Top comments

Comments