Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled...

By youngsamoo92 - 07/12/2016 04:32 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 627

You deserved it 2 993

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Same thing different taste

By loldick - 15/11/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 934

You deserved it 23 800

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 1 782

By PTKFML - 26/07/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 816

You deserved it 7 621

By jcooh0lla - 24/07/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 786

You deserved it 7 460

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 970

You deserved it 5 605

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 657

You deserved it 86 731

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 176

You deserved it 11 467

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 099

You deserved it 1 903

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 597

You deserved it 5 731

By Anonymous - 29/01/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - Wrexham

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 292

You deserved it 18 974

jamieawhughes 9

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:39

if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:41

And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.

Comments

jamieawhughes 9

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:39

if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:41

And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.

Costales_fml 7

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:10

I don't see the problem here. I suggest you marry her before it's too late.

NicH1799 20

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:25

I marked you deserve it, because everyone deserves cookies.

bsshooter 14

Sunday 11 December 2016 23:22

agreed number 5

TexasGirl24 15

Monday 12 December 2016 6:18

Me too XD

Seeya55 31

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:31

This is something I'd share too! Don't want to forget a great plan in the heat of the moment!

Yudith_fml 6

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:39

Chips Ahoy... (Homer drooling).

tibtak_fml 10

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:39

YDI but in a good way ;)

Frabens 1

Sunday 11 December 2016 16:34

You came for a different reason reason other than sex ;)

HighasaCloud 46

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:00

That's the joke (fml)

udderbutter 15

Sunday 11 December 2016 23:36

Are you 12?

TiggyBonkers 32

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:00

Isn't this a meme?

VonBlitzkrieg 27

Monday 12 December 2016 18:48

Yes, it's the nut button meme. Was thinking the same thing.

moocowmilk0 19

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:28

I don't see what the problem is she sounds perfect

Keywords

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The Top

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long-arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 997

You deserved it 3 276

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 806

You deserved it 338

The Top

Today, I prepared for my first date in two years. I shaved my legs, did my hair and nails, painted my face, found the perfect outfit, then waited for hours for a man who never came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 272

You deserved it 340

Today, after a guided meditation class, our instructor asked us all to name the thing we are most thankful for. My fiancé, completely serious, answered, "Nintendo." When the teacher looked at him, slightly incredulously, he changed his answer to, "Our dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 637

You deserved it 604

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 385

You deserved it 385

Today, my phone charger caught fire. I was thankful to be there to witness it. I was not thankful for having been holding it while this happened, as my shirt caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 776

You deserved it 1 131

Today, I'm in the same city as my boyfriend for the first time in 2 months. My body apparently did not like the idea of me having sex again, as I promptly got a UTI and then the week-long breakthrough bleeding that antibiotics often cause me. The same thing happened the week before he had to move, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 180

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 489

You deserved it 3 203

Same thing different taste

Fast and Furious

Smooth talker

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