Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled...

By youngsamoo92 - 07/12/2016 04:32 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 625

You deserved it 2 992

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Same thing different taste

By loldick - 15/11/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 934

You deserved it 23 799

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 782

By PTKFML - 26/07/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 811

You deserved it 7 619

By jcooh0lla - 24/07/2009 21:30 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 783

You deserved it 7 460

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 5 604

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 652

You deserved it 86 720

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 165

You deserved it 11 464

By Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 1 903

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 595

You deserved it 5 731

By Anonymous - 29/01/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - Wrexham

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 291

You deserved it 18 974

jamieawhughes 9

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:39

if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:41

And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.

Comments

jamieawhughes 9

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:39

if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Sunday 11 December 2016 13:41

And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.

Costales_fml 7

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:10

I don't see the problem here. I suggest you marry her before it's too late.

NicH1799 20

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:25

I marked you deserve it, because everyone deserves cookies.

bsshooter 14

Sunday 11 December 2016 23:22

agreed number 5

TexasGirl24 15

Monday 12 December 2016 6:18

Me too XD

Seeya55 31

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:31

This is something I'd share too! Don't want to forget a great plan in the heat of the moment!

Yudith_fml 6

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:39

Chips Ahoy... (Homer drooling).

tibtak_fml 10

Sunday 11 December 2016 14:39

YDI but in a good way ;)

Frabens 1

Sunday 11 December 2016 16:34

You came for a different reason reason other than sex ;)

HighasaCloud 46

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:00

That's the joke (fml)

udderbutter 15

Sunday 11 December 2016 23:36

Are you 12?

TiggyBonkers 32

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:00

Isn't this a meme?

VonBlitzkrieg 27

Monday 12 December 2016 18:48

Yes, it's the nut button meme. Was thinking the same thing.

moocowmilk0 19

Sunday 11 December 2016 17:28

I don't see what the problem is she sounds perfect

Keywords

My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Relatable Work Money DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I got home from a business trip and found my wife in bed with my sister. She tried to claim they had just had a girls' night and fell asleep watching a movie, even though when I caught them, they were naked, wet and my wife’s head was buried in my sister's crotch. Movie night, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 148

Today, an absolute cretin of a lorry driver ran into the back of me as I was slowing down for an orange light about to go red. My car is totalled and he had the nerve to tell the police I had brake checked him on purpose, probably for an insurance scam, and that it was all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I got an unexpected freebie for breakfast: I took my coffee and a plate of food up to my room. By the time I got there, some fairy had topped the food with a generous serving of animal hair. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 200

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 235

You deserved it 2 620

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 644

You deserved it 2 607

Today, I went to Tiffany's to exchange a bracelet my boyfriend had given me for our year anniversary. It was the first gift that he actually spent money on me for. The sales lady then told me that the bracelet was not a real Tiffany's item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 811

You deserved it 21 264

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 313

You deserved it 3 277

Today, it’s the fourth day in a row I’ve laid in bed for hours with my eyes shut, wide awake, then watched the sun rise. All my parents have to say is, “Insomnia isn’t real. Just go to bed earlier.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 110

Same thing different taste

Fast and Furious

Smooth talker

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