Intimacy: Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were...

By namhtor - 28/09/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 507

You deserved it 6 752

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 526

You deserved it 64 338

By joe - 23/06/2013 23:36 - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 695

You deserved it 8 615

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 645

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 336

You deserved it 36 291

By Perpetually F-ed. - 17/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 365

You deserved it 9 328

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 107

By epistaxis - 29/01/2009 02:31 - Australia

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 730

You deserved it 3 958

By weirdedout - 24/05/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asked, "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 665

You deserved it 5 251

By TappedAnts - 08/04/2016 01:45 - United States - Seabrook

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 091

You deserved it 1 350

Caught in 404p

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 312

You deserved it 51 569

omgyoukilledkeny 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:28

I ****** LOVE UR MOM

rb7_Brady 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:20

Lmao you must be very lonely

Comments

rb7_Brady 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:20

Lmao you must be very lonely

Gia0896 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:47

So how does your brother being a pro affect you??

RaiinbowCrayon 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 2:24

He is the brother lol .

iarediana 0

Wednesday 4 November 2009 6:38

LOL no durh he is the brother xD

Mirelly13 6

Sunday 6 June 2010 6:44

wow

biasedshooter 24

Monday 23 July 2012 18:18

You "where having dinner"?

PoptartsKid 13

Sunday 4 November 2012 4:40

Being actually considered a "pro" takes 10,000 hours to accomplish o_O

Prolux_fml 23

Thursday 2 May 2013 16:12

113 - Actually, 10,000 hours is the mark of perfection. The book "Outliers" discusses that point very well.

buzby 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:21

shit lol... that sucks..

gunnar7240 0

Friday 25 June 2010 7:00

That is awesome. Your mom got you with that one. Hard!

UsernameUnknown 7

Saturday 16 July 2011 11:33

So did you tell?

cuteguyoO 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:22

loool

MacintoshDima 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:24

lol

Jebadiah 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:27

that bitch! so did you tell her, you ARE a pro

demonstare7 5

Saturday 19 November 2011 2:00

Ahhh, it's always nice to get recognized :)

omgyoukilledkeny 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:28

I ****** LOVE UR MOM

CootiesH 5

Thursday 16 June 2016 4:12

I KNOW SHE SEEMS LIKE THE BEST HUMAN ON THE PLANET

GodsOfWrath 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:30

Why does your mother watch you **********? (that's wierd i think) However, that was very nice of her to refer to you as a "pro"

stephan18 23

Monday 13 August 2012 3:27

She has probably caught him several times doing it, enough to see his pro technique haha!

lahp 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:38

ha! you got told! at the dinner table as well.. your mother sounds like mine she will take a dig when she can! fight back!

ilovejaffacakes 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:40

haha that's brilliant! awkward much? :)

f_alltheirlives 3

Monday 28 September 2009 23:41

Does she cheer you on? Are you sponsored? Did you ever promise a cancer dying kid that you would win the gold just for him? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!

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The Top

Today, I got back from a six month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of three years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 790

You deserved it 6 439

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 973

You deserved it 4 287

The Top

Today, thinking it would be funny I tried tricking my boyfriend into thinking my grandparents were cousins, and that I was the product of incest. This would have been a great prank, if he hadn't have said, "You know what? That actually makes sense. It all makes sense now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 1 516

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 209

You deserved it 34 124

Today, I stopped by McDonald's with my brother. I asked him what he wanted and I repeated his order. The lady said, "We don't have that here." I stupidly answered, "That's weird. We have it where I come from," and she replied, "Where did you come from honey, 1995?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 564

Today, after a 14-hour day at work 180 km away, the freeway was closed 30 km from home. I had to detour, adding another hour and a half to the already three-hour trip home. I was basically at work for almost 28 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 94

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 161

Today, I was really excited to get a new bank account in my name. My parents wanted me to have it so they could transfer money from mine to theirs and vice versa. What excited me less was my father drunkenly accessing it and taking all my cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 212

You deserved it 4 439