Intimacy: Spread the word

Spread the word

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 171

You deserved it 35 819

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Ben - 25/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 287

You deserved it 47 721

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 129

You deserved it 23 517

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 656

You deserved it 86 730

Stuff

By BOO! - 25/05/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 232

You deserved it 404

Feed me with your kiss

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 08:00

Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 801

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 154

You deserved it 4 557

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 329

You deserved it 1 601

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 342

You deserved it 7 042

Get the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 22:00

Today, my friend and I were driving to work, when she asked me to stop at the gas station. Ten minutes later, I see this woman come out, my friend right behind her. The woman spotted me, an intense look in her eyes. She marched over, threw a paper at me, and screamed, "Jesus died for our sins!" She then stormed off. I'm a crazy magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 123

Oh no oh no

By jealouspussy - 20/02/2013 06:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 531

You deserved it 5 996

lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

Comments

lolol182 4

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:00

ahahahahaha reminds me of the one where the girl said "forgive me lord!" when she came

Tang35 0

Wednesday 17 February 2010 6:49

haha u r so right!! :) if I were a guy id of been like, yes! now bow your head and pray already!

nosedive1994 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 8:34

I'd have been like "I'll decide when I come"

hellokittywhore 0

Wednesday 28 April 2010 0:39

lmfao at 309!!! I'm soo gonna do this tonight!! or maybe the one where the girls giving her bf head and lots at him and gives him a thumbs up. XD

Selsa_Squirrel 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 8:14

There is much win in this one. U.U

Xtaci 0

Sunday 15 August 2010 20:18

#323 tell ur bf it tastes like chicken. see what he says lol

viper2426 0

Monday 25 July 2011 10:58

should have cummed and said hallaluya!!

Humanspider 18

Thursday 24 November 2011 12:20

awesome!

aimzskee 30

Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:56

What a mood killer

Socrates_fml 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:02

how did you answer/what happened?

meaganwas 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

sockmonkey560 0

Monday 20 July 2009 8:27

lol!

doglover_427 0

Thursday 15 April 2010 6:14

definately. xD he understands everything

GreatGeak 8

Thursday 18 November 2010 17:32

He's cool, but He'd never want you to start. ...He's the after marriage kinda guy. granted there'd be a lot less stories if people started waiting.

thegoods69 0

Sunday 30 January 2011 2:15

hey 3 you single jk

orgin1 0

Monday 27 June 2011 3:34

win

l23VIVE 17

Saturday 14 April 2012 5:31

He's not real so how could have an opinion

little_red13 6

Sunday 25 November 2012 8:42

Yeah he is. Dick..

ProctorKProducti 5

Sunday 30 March 2014 6:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

colby6666 43

Tuesday 1 April 2014 20:34

And so the fighting over religion begins...

bellwether 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:03

Well, do you?

lifeisaterriblem 6

Sunday 12 June 2011 8:12

jeffreebitch 0

Monday 4 July 2011 9:25

Jeffrey Dahmer is mine ;)

LaChicaBonita 0

Tuesday 5 July 2011 4:36

hell no! Jesus suckas! XP get real people

tumornamedmarla 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:05

HAHAHAHAH. I'm a girl, so I wouldn't particularly know, but something tells me there are fewer faster ways to lose a hard-on.

Adrian66_fml 0

Sunday 28 March 2010 7:50

Yes, jesus would most likely be an instant hard-on killer.

beerchen 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:05

LOL @ #3

misssweetsweet 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:07

WOW! I bet that was a bit disturbing... and confusing.

dawnie1001 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:07

Ya that will make everything crawl right up inside.

SaturnE_fml 0

Monday 14 June 2010 6:06

Exactly! He was about to bust, and she wanted to ****!

blah_blah_bleh 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:08

This is probably one of the funniest FML's i've seen yet hahahahahahahahahahahaaha

waterydesire 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 20:10

.... Daaaayomnnn.. What a way to kill the mood.

Keywords

Awkward Family Christmas Social Media Relatable Technology Narcissistic parents Money Holidays Love Drunk Gifts Religion AITA Miscellaneous Shopping Delivery Furniture Sex Cheating Facebook Dogs Animals Work Bosses Cold weather Embarrassing Cute Am I overreacting? Cats

The Top

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I'm incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 805

You deserved it 1 296

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 524

You deserved it 15 073

The Top

Today, I had to listen to my mom and grandma talk about their bladder issues in very great detail, including how my grandma has to hold up her stomach to empty it entirely. They told me to leave if it was uncomfortable. Good idea, but why don't you just not talk about that around other people? FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 532

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 951

You deserved it 4 586

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 588

You deserved it 2 326

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 869

You deserved it 5 979

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 790

You deserved it 60 434

Today, not to be "that guy" but my wife quit her job from fear of COVID, we have no kids, so am I really unreasonable to expect that she might do SOME of the housework instead of none of it, and then asking me if I would mind doing the dishes and laundry as soon as I get home? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589