Miscellaneous: Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately,... - FML

By FMLPLZ - 03/01/2014 02:52 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, when I am asked to do something and I don't do it immediately, my mother threatens to "twerk" in front of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 762

You deserved it 9 203

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Sips unsee juice

By Facepalm2020 - 21/06/2020 23:01

Today, my mom asked me what twerking was. When I said that it was a club dance, trying to get out of telling her what it actually was, she begged me to teach her how to do it. My mom complained to my dad, who grounded me for not teaching her to twerk her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 348

By ThatOneGirl646 - 12/01/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 888

You deserved it 49 528

Life and soul of the party

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 10:08 - United States - San Antonio

Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 632

You deserved it 2 289

Not so Karate Kid

By Matthew - 09/03/2020 19:00 - United States - Juneau

Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 346

By Jess - 30/05/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 082

You deserved it 5 036

By Numbnuts - 08/03/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 350

You deserved it 38 551

By -_- - 05/07/2013 21:59 - United States - Munith

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 583

You deserved it 5 226

Overreaching

By Entitled parents suck. - 12/10/2022 10:00

Today, my mother threatened to disown me if I didn't break up with my tattooed girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 144

By FatalxDesire599 - 05/03/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 684

You deserved it 2 834

By Ashy104 - 09/01/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I looked skinny in my shorts. She jiggled my leg fat, looked up at me and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 787

You deserved it 26 356

Next

Top comments

jdeezy01 13

Friday 3 January 2014 17:09

Mama gotz moves!

MysticMonkey 9

Friday 3 January 2014 17:17

I really wish this twerking craze would die out. It's ridiculous.

Comments

jdeezy01 13

Friday 3 January 2014 17:09

Mama gotz moves!

science-teacher 15

Friday 3 January 2014 17:19

Is she 'Cyrus'? (serious) meh

soccerstar1996 18

Friday 3 January 2014 19:06

Mom has got you on lockdown OP

NinaAD 10

Friday 3 January 2014 17:09

FIRST COMMENT! Btw. Sorry about your mom op. I'm sure she's just messing with you!

Cusefan5 6

Friday 3 January 2014 17:11

Oh The horror

MeTheBeast 22

Saturday 4 January 2014 6:29

Wachu taking about Willis. Dat mama needs an award!

Aegimus 5

Sunday 5 January 2014 5:19

She might do it, but then the child's friends would never want to come over. Or better yet, report it to the police. I wanna hear THAT 911 call. xD

imhope 23

Friday 3 January 2014 17:11

Has she ever done it??

panicsdisaster 17

Friday 3 January 2014 21:56

will you do it?

happyevil 10

Sunday 5 January 2014 12:27

I applaud you #53. You sir, have just made my day.

zeldagirl77 7

Friday 3 January 2014 17:12

I bet you she doesnt even know how to twerk. i dont either so.. lol

Sports_guy3 28

Friday 3 January 2014 18:57

Google it.

uarudeassbitchyo 17

Friday 3 January 2014 17:12

Sounds like my mom...

Zimmington 21

Friday 3 January 2014 17:12

Hey Op let's be friends I'd like to meet your mom.

LizetteBerenice 22

Friday 3 January 2014 17:16

It could always be worse!

junkman6 22

Friday 3 January 2014 17:29

I think I would rather be beaten on a daily basis then ever see my mother twerking.

Zimmington 21

Friday 3 January 2014 17:54

She could be stripping for Op's friend's parents while they toss nickels at her.

JD1147 27

Saturday 4 January 2014 6:46

True, it could be worse.. Her dad could do it instead

MysticMonkey 9

Friday 3 January 2014 17:17

I really wish this twerking craze would die out. It's ridiculous.

Das_is_gud 11

Friday 3 January 2014 18:58

It was already dying out until Miley Cyrus brought it back, now adults know about and they think it's some new craze when it's actually not that new

stargirl_95 24

Saturday 4 January 2014 16:49

Women have been twerking since the 80s. Miley Cyrus (who can't even twerk) just popularised it.

DocBastard 38

Friday 3 January 2014 17:22

She's got you by the balls, so to speak. I would suggest you do what she says for the rest of your life to avoid unleashing that horror on the public. No one wants to see twerking. Ever.

laden_swallow09 34

Friday 3 January 2014 19:58

Weeeeell, I wouldn't say NO one, absolutely ever… I'm an ass man, after all. To me, it's like I'm watching a contortionist act at the circus; it's mesmerizing to see the human body move like that when done right with the right body type!

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 572

You deserved it 6 604

Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 125

The Top

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 742

You deserved it 3 761

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 452

You deserved it 5 151

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 004

You deserved it 4 737

Today, I was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park. When we were walking, I got really dizzy and collapsed. My boyfriend didn't catch me. His mom took me to the hospital. While I was being poked with needles, he was at home playing COD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 695

You deserved it 4 839

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 229

You deserved it 2 995

Today, I'm on sick leave waiting for surgery due to a nasty inner ear infection. When I sneezed yesterday, my balance was suddenly completely gone and now the tiniest movement, like moving to another position on the couch, standing up, or rolling over in my bed, makes me seasick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 100