Sex and Miscellaneous: TMI

TMI

By estranger - 03/01/2014 22:36 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 168

You deserved it 3 732

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By smellsgood - 13/03/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 421

You deserved it 11 385

Fixed it

By JLO - 18/08/2011 14:11 - Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my mum and dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 985

You deserved it 3 659

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 167

shrinks into corner

By Ally - 24/03/2018 05:00

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 743

You deserved it 658

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 12:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 313

You deserved it 2 984

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 450

You deserved it 4 166

Booze-fuelled family drama

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 11:59

Today, I found out that the man I called grandpa for 40 years is really my dad. My drunk aunt spilled the beans. Her exact words were, "My dad is a better dad to you than he EVER was to me! You never wondered why he treated you better than his other grandchildren? You're his son!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 86

By moudly - 06/01/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 624

You deserved it 5 001

By lvegadelgado_6 - 10/08/2015 14:32 - United States - Deerfield

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 556

You deserved it 2 140

Nice to know

By justin bieber's nutsack - 06/06/2015 07:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 259

You deserved it 2 803

onealmxwilson 18

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:26

Hey be thankful it's clean. He could have just left the stains on there

TyT63 12

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:27

I thought this was going in a different direction

Comments

onealmxwilson 18

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:26

Hey be thankful it's clean. He could have just left the stains on there

foe1 7

Saturday 4 January 2014 8:35

Or he could've got a new couch after all of those years

UnluckyGenius 21

Saturday 4 January 2014 17:48

Why would you want to get rid that couch? Such fond memories!

TyT63 12

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:27

I thought this was going in a different direction

docphilsman 15

Saturday 4 January 2014 18:25

That was the direction I thought it was going

\ 28

Saturday 4 January 2014 20:29

They must've reenacted the scene from 9 1/2 Yards

rockne93 17

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:28

How old is that couch??? Damn lol

vb68_fml 28

Saturday 4 January 2014 8:57

I don't believe what the grandpa said, I think he was just playing a joke on his grandson. Old people humour...

KrazieKleo 13

Saturday 4 January 2014 12:12

Granddaughter not grandson. :)

SonOfAMitch 14

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:28

Are you kidding me?! That's disgusting! Everyone knows you use lemon juice to get out stains!

mcr2000 11

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:28

um I dont see the problem I guess he should of bought a new chair though

SonOfAMitch 14

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:30

Wouldn't mind sitting in stains of your dad's contraception, hm?

sunshine41196 12

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:48

#8 huge difference between conception and contraception! get your words right!

SonOfAMitch 14

Saturday 4 January 2014 6:13

Oh shit, autocorrect! Sorry guys!

Clay_Pidgeon 11

Saturday 4 January 2014 7:36

nice save...nice save....*shakes head of approval*

duhhspammerx3 16

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:30

At least he was honest!

emirie 21

Saturday 4 January 2014 6:43

I don't know, I feel like OP could've gone about the rest of his life without knowing that.

chocolatefrog28 29

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:31

You may want to invest in some bleach for the stains that memory leaves on your brain, OP. Ouch!

rockne93 17

Saturday 4 January 2014 5:37

Something tells me bleach on the brain could go wrong

SammyS2012 21

Saturday 4 January 2014 6:06

what are you talking about? brain bleach is very helpful? just pour some on and your unsightly memories will disappear forever! ... and maybe your consciousness as well, but whatever.