Love Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl....

lageste - 20/11/2008 04:37 - France

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Nuts

Painful - - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

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smokin - 26/07/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

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Close but no cigar

Anonymous - 23/12/2015 23:26

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

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kaycie_lynn - 19/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

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Pain - 28/06/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

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The show must go on

gabess - 04/01/2009 01:59 - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

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Technically…

I followed her orders! - 04/12/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML

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Trash the lot

Anonymous - 16/10/2022 16:00

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML

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Big tasty

reisz618 - 31/05/2019 07:00

Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML

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Anonymous - 19/09/2011 20:27 - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

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Brokenwings92 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 22:06

and you didn't feel your crotch BURNING???

MizzMe123 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:34

And right theres a new meaning to the word " firecrotch" .

Brokenwings92 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 22:06

and you didn't feel your crotch BURNING???

jennawheaton 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:19

mahah

XoacHale 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 5:46

YDI. cockiness.

squigglyshark 0

Monday 1 June 2009 4:29

I don't see the fail here. Worst case it's a funny story to tell in bars later.

randomxtremely 0

Monday 15 June 2009 5:40

don't waste ur time on dates. watch what goes around u...and urself

n530411351 9

Wednesday 5 August 2009 7:02

that damn gonorrhea...

DynamicDave 11

Sunday 23 August 2009 8:51

Who says 'trousers'?

Lolzords 11

Sunday 20 September 2009 5:26

Brits and anyone who learned British English instead of American English.

MizzMe123 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:34

And right theres a new meaning to the word " firecrotch" .

stewpididiot 11

Wednesday 3 March 2010 6:24

ydi for smoking... or for hitting on a smoker.

greendaygirl112 0

Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:09

sryy but did u get anythin from her

iFacade 5

Thursday 15 April 2010 21:20

that's hot.

leslielove11 0

Wednesday 30 June 2010 20:37

firecrotch 

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML

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Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

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Today, I got rejected by a girl I was talking to. We had mutual feelings, and I waited a long time for her to be single again. We talked, made out, and now she has gotten into another relationship, acting like she doesn't like me anymore… but still wants to be friends? FML

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Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

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Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML

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Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years, with whom I was hoping to have a future, to talk to him about it, all he said was, "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

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