Love: Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl....

By lageste - 20/11/2008 04:37 - France

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 190

You deserved it 5 325

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

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Same thing different taste

Nuts

By Painful - 05/10/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 924

You deserved it 40 001

By smokin - 26/07/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 097

You deserved it 5 381

Close but no cigar

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 23:26

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 607

You deserved it 15 134

By kaycie_lynn - 19/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 770

You deserved it 71 619

By Pain - 28/06/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 002

You deserved it 72 211

The show must go on

By gabess - 04/01/2009 01:59 - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 956

You deserved it 10 617

Technically…

By I followed her orders! - 04/12/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 477

Trash the lot

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 16:00

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 2 803

Big tasty

By reisz618 - 31/05/2019 07:00

Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 687

You deserved it 602

By Anonymous - 19/09/2011 20:27 - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 644

You deserved it 36 738

Brokenwings92 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 22:06

and you didn't feel your crotch BURNING???

MizzMe123 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:34

And right theres a new meaning to the word " firecrotch" .

Comments

Brokenwings92 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 22:06

and you didn't feel your crotch BURNING???

jennawheaton 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:19

mahah

XoacHale 0

Sunday 27 March 2011 5:46

YDI. cockiness.

squigglyshark 0

Monday 1 June 2009 4:29

I don't see the fail here. Worst case it's a funny story to tell in bars later.

randomxtremely 0

Monday 15 June 2009 5:40

don't waste ur time on dates. watch what goes around u...and urself

n530411351 9

Wednesday 5 August 2009 7:02

that damn gonorrhea...

DynamicDave 11

Sunday 23 August 2009 8:51

Who says 'trousers'?

Lolzords 11

Sunday 20 September 2009 5:26

Brits and anyone who learned British English instead of American English.

MizzMe123 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:34

And right theres a new meaning to the word " firecrotch" .

stewpididiot 11

Wednesday 3 March 2010 6:24

ydi for smoking... or for hitting on a smoker.

greendaygirl112 0

Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:09

sryy but did u get anythin from her

iFacade 5

Thursday 15 April 2010 21:20

that's hot.

leslielove11 0

Wednesday 30 June 2010 20:37

firecrotch 

Keywords

Cats Animals Gross Poopoo peepee Love Awkward Smells Miscellaneous Embarrassing Painful Health First Dates Christmas Work Music Social Media Grieving Anniversary Boredom Abuse Ironic Intimacy Drunk AITA Am I overreacting? Alcohol Transportation Gun control Parents Kids

The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 084

You deserved it 410

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 786

You deserved it 22 717

The Top

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 002

You deserved it 4 568

Today, I share a bathroom with two other people and we divide tasks equally. They take care of making it dirty; I take care of making it clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 130

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 287

You deserved it 245

Today, my parents actually kicked me into the back garden and made me sit outside for an hour so they could have sex without having to worry about me hearing them go at each other like a pair of 15-stone rabbits hopped up on Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 418

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 147

You deserved it 2 671

Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 566

You deserved it 7 191