Animals: Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee... - FML

By TheMichaelNixon - 14/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 800

You deserved it 75 521

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 135

You deserved it 47 944

By pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 708

You deserved it 14 969

Fire hose

By pissedoffandon - 06/05/2009 14:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 942

You deserved it 61 823

Pissed

By Anonymous - 13/01/2014 07:34 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 957

You deserved it 54 088

By stupidbug. - 09/04/2012 08:28 - Canada

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 975

You deserved it 37 009

AKA taking a screenshot

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 11:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 395

Oh dear…

By Wet Britches - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, on my rush to get home from work to use the bathroom, I hit a deer. It startled me so badly that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 035

You deserved it 1 732

By Anonypiss - 22/07/2015 16:21 - Canada - Pembroke

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 645

You deserved it 26 667

By pissfaced - 02/01/2010 13:41 - New Zealand

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 129

You deserved it 73 402

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 13 576

Next

Top comments

Tequilamockngbrd 7

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:42

I'm not sure what's more stupid: wanting to pee on a grasshopper, or expecting it to wait in one spot while you peed on it. Silly.

Luckster 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:49

That Grasshopper waited all day to do that to you! You know that, right?

Comments

Tequilamockngbrd 7

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:42

I'm not sure what's more stupid: wanting to pee on a grasshopper, or expecting it to wait in one spot while you peed on it. Silly.

DameGreyWulf 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:47

I think I must agree, but 1 has a point.... [edit] wtf, I replied to a comment down below about "If I was a guy, I'd do the same" Well, 1, you have a point.

omghehehe 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 4:05

Really! :D I replied to #1 and it's missing. Also, his/her response changed too :D Anyway, I agree with #1 :) Yes, silly.

your_mother 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 15:36

Karma's a bitch.

Edumacated 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 15:48

I take it you're not a guy =).

mwz777 0

Sunday 28 March 2010 3:03

haha ya but I wouldve done the same thing

dont_stop_believ 0

Friday 28 May 2010 7:34

if you didn't want ur pee on u y wud the grasshopper want ur pee?! haha loserr

Rejectofsociety9 0

Friday 11 June 2010 23:45

...and you didn't see this coming, OP?

xJC77x 0

Saturday 31 July 2010 9:37

I woulda done the same thing lol

bom_bom 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:45

omg...LOL...i added it to my favs...i almost peed myself after i read that.. kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk(second comment)

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

Monday 6 June 2011 3:50

if youre gonna pee, you better find a nice urimal with a grasshopper in it...

ilovemenn 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:46

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

swimdiva 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 4:23

isn't**

SykoOne 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:48

LMFAOOO !!! OMG YO , if i was a guy , i would TOTTALLLY do the exact SAME thing ! :)

Basiil 0

Friday 26 November 2010 12:09

Why can't girls do that? :/

KyRidHEART 0

Tuesday 25 January 2011 4:48

Cuz we have this think called a ******.

MicMic_fml 7

Monday 25 July 2011 15:27

116 - is that thing edible?

Luckster 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:49

That Grasshopper waited all day to do that to you! You know that, right?

LeeIsAwesome 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:51

YDI for peeing on it.

iheartjustinsane 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 4:23

Exactly.

dabeachbum 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 2:58

if i was a guy id do the same thing hahaha

lenasaur 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:05

Thats what you get. How would you like it if someone peed on you?

mutantcow 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:17

you clever, clever person. (:

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

Monday 6 June 2011 3:52

kinky...

Honda288 2

Friday 2 March 2012 5:13

Ask Steve Stifler.

CheapoBilo 0

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:06

Ydi for not ******** on It instead.

juicy_extasy 25

Sunday 15 November 2009 16:01

LOL OMG! Weigh it down?! You're so evil!

cactusbutt 0

Tuesday 26 January 2010 17:04

oh, lol! x)

CrazyV 22

Thursday 17 November 2011 23:00

hahaha good one

DeadMansCrack 4

Sunday 15 November 2009 3:07

LOL I would say YDI, but it sounds like something I would do.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Transportation Cars Awkward Dentist Health My ex Love Shopping Animals Cats Work Job interview Clothes Miscellaneous Weird Family Holidays Vacation AITA Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Funerals Harassment Relatable Engagement Food Ironic Technology

The Top

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 22

Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 1 750

The Top

Today, I slid into a seat in a very busy foodcourt that was jam packed full of seniors at the mall. It was the only seat available, so I was quick to jump into it. It was soaked with urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 174

You deserved it 1 046

Today, I asked a girl out. She sent me a whole list of reasons that she hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 167

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 378

You deserved it 3 123

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 328

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 993

You deserved it 2 385

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 618

You deserved it 42 654