Miscellaneous: Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the...

By Wino - 05/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 787

You deserved it 34 550

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Same thing different taste

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 13 879

Bulk buying

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 407

By bakedplum - 01/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 808

You deserved it 23 820

By joe - 08/08/2010 07:14 - United States

Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 804

You deserved it 8 347

By Marty - 10/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Irving

Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took three hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 188

You deserved it 311

Smart move

By Triedtobecool - 06/04/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 974

You deserved it 99 956

Inappropriate crush

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 17:00

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 07/05/2013 12:48 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 174

You deserved it 9 689

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

By Tyr88 - 05/03/2017 02:00 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 557

You deserved it 1 612

By unloved - 23/03/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 943

You deserved it 8 713

musicislife1995_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:27

lol you drink so much you had to lie to a cashier!

cerebellum_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:50

PARTY AT HER HOUSE

Comments

musicislife1995_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:27

lol you drink so much you had to lie to a cashier!

JCHammer 5

Thursday 27 January 2011 21:44

Ain't it great being Irish?

tormcn 26

Tuesday 7 April 2015 6:12

Forget the fact they bought booze from a grocery store.. what?

cynima 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:27

Oh, an alcoholic self-mock.

okadaj 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:31

sounds like you took this from Henry Poole Is Here

COBRAMORPH 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:46

good job being a drunk ****.

wheatie 0

Monday 1 March 2010 4:36

you don even know that. quit being a prejudiced bastard.

pinto502 0

Monday 23 August 2010 19:29

I agree with you wheatie

DeJahVu 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:47

haha wow. first time Ive ever heard this. you my friend, FAIL!

Antivirus_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:49

Get a life! Thats all i have to say.

cerebellum_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:50

PARTY AT HER HOUSE

Asstazztic 8

Saturday 5 December 2009 9:51

lol

leandra12 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 10:01

Haha, invite me over?? I don't see the problem here, the cashier was probably just a stuck-up bitch.

musicislife1995_fml 0

Saturday 5 December 2009 10:08

#9 he's ashamed himself by how much he drinks.

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Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 772

You deserved it 8 687

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 034

You deserved it 3 409

The Top

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 129

You deserved it 3 199

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I’ve been dealing with depression, and apologized for my bad moods. I wrote him three kinda long-story-short messages telling him why. His response? “It’s alright” and continued playing Raft. I expected something more… empathic? Am I selfish? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 389

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 117

You deserved it 2 658

Today, I got into a accident at the dunes, rolling a Razor buggy. Last weekend, I sleepwalked and microwaved my phone. Last month, I gave myself third degree burns while curling my hair. I need to live in a bubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 321

Today, in my AP U.S. history class, we had a very long, very slow discussion about whether or not Vermont is a state. I think I lost brain cells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 363

You deserved it 425

Today, I was expecting to receive a package in the mail as I can only shop online given my current physical condition. A notification informed me the parcel failed to deliver and now it's available for pickup at the warehouse, which is 5 miles away. A long way on crutches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 130

Same thing different taste

Bulk buying

Smart move

Inappropriate crush

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

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