Animals: Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction... - FML

By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 559

You deserved it 27 864

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 323

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 462

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 229

You deserved it 41 625

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 459

You deserved it 46 723

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 250

You deserved it 3 580

By baconandkittens - 26/02/2012 03:13 - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 565

You deserved it 5 784

By spideypowers - 05/09/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 461

You deserved it 44 407

By spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 299

You deserved it 32 193

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 160

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 1 321

Next

Top comments

dahlia14 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:10

coulda had a v8

pooley182 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:11

my god i laughed so hard, that mental image totally made my day.

Comments

jeepster7874 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:08

nice one haha FIRST!

FOOFIGHTERSrock 0

Friday 18 December 2009 0:39

lol WIN for the spider :D

cassdede 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 4:27

ahh typical human

bleedinginside 0

Saturday 13 March 2010 4:19

if there was a spider on ur sack us smack ur sack right

sumbody14 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 6:08

who waits for the spider To get onto thier glasses before smacking it?

TooQuick 1

Thursday 23 June 2011 2:28

SMH. Oh wait. you already did. YDI

pooley182 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:11

my god i laughed so hard, that mental image totally made my day.

ymonkey96 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 11:13

lmao me too!!!

amarahsohi 7

Wednesday 27 August 2014 18:07

Omg i know right i couldnt stop laughing. I think i woke up my family!

dahlia14 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:10

coulda had a v8

soccer4ever7 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:11

ydi

FOOFIGHTERSrock 0

Friday 18 December 2009 0:51

#3 ur a genius :D

DreMaMa 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:15

At least you didn't use both hands.

Brooklyn_c 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:19

Ha ha, your a dumbass

loveyahun 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:19

I would just take off the glasses?

Loveyou6611 20

Sunday 29 March 2015 6:06

One simply doesn't "just take off the glasses" when they see a spider. The proper response would have been to scream bloody murder while throwing the glasses across the room and hitting your hair and face while stomping your feet... if that doesn't work. Fire.

hXcsoccerplaya 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:23

hahaha I would totally do that. FYL

nightmare1234 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:24

dumbass!

CHEESYBIGMAC 0

Thursday 17 December 2009 23:35

FYL indeed....this FML made me laugh...sucks though

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 698

You deserved it 3 897

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 973

You deserved it 4 287

The Top

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 867

You deserved it 3 701

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon…" and ended the same conversation with "…and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 308

You deserved it 4 524

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 086

You deserved it 7 727

Today, while working a grueling shift where I wanted to just die, my ex-girlfriend, her friend, and some permed up rich boys pulled to the drive-thru, blasting music and overall being a nuisance. One of her boyfriends pretended to put money in the tip jar, then went, “SIKE!” and they sped off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 100

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 700

You deserved it 21 192

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 218

You deserved it 45 484