Animals: Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans... - FML

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 472

You deserved it 16 557

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Same thing different taste

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 171

You deserved it 153 051

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 989

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 190

By lbg2msf - 06/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Biloxi

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 848

You deserved it 9 501

Absentmindedly

By Anonymous - 06/09/2022 19:00

Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 231

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 998

You deserved it 18 158

By Shinobi_3 - 26/02/2010 17:43 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 837

You deserved it 29 329

By shitlicker - 08/12/2015 04:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 182

You deserved it 2 141

Natural selection

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 13:00 - Canada - Minnedosa

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 394

Bizarre topping

By Grossed out - 10/11/2021 11:00

Today, I was eating an ice cream on a sidewalk and some woman decided it was time to clip her toenails on her balcony above me. One of the nail shards fell onto my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 99

Next

Top comments

s_l_h82 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 22:14

i literally laughed my face off for at least 10 mins after reading this. Thanks for shairing BAHAHAHAHA

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 18:55

You didn't notice the bird poo on your pants ... ? Anyway, sucks that you licked bird poo. That's totally gross.

Comments

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 18:55

You didn't notice the bird poo on your pants ... ? Anyway, sucks that you licked bird poo. That's totally gross.

s_l_h82 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 22:14

i literally laughed my face off for at least 10 mins after reading this. Thanks for shairing BAHAHAHAHA

hahasooo 2

Sunday 13 May 2012 2:19

it was not that funny!

connectthedots 7

Friday 27 March 2015 18:54

Another example of when people misuse the word 'literally'. Unless, of course, you actually laughed your face off... In which case, I'd definitely advise you to get that checked out by a doctor.

Coatney 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 20:42

i almost puked when i read this.

Bruno_Mars_Fan 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 3:29

I was hoping the OP would say, "Then my mom walked in and saw what I had done. She won't believe me that I was just trying to lick off the ice cream!"

BairaiF 0

Monday 12 November 2012 23:20

What is OP?

TryToBeKind 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 21:42

lmao I did something like that once, but it wasn't shit. See, there was this creamy pinkish stuff squirted on the table and I went, "Oh, I wonder if that's yogart?" Turns out it was lotion. I didn't have any yogart in the house.

kennaem1 11

Saturday 1 December 2012 2:26

*yogurt

blah_blah_shity 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 3:41

hahahaha the best one yet

thecaylatheory 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 8:54

lmfao. that sucks.

VivaLaJewFace 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 2:52

hahaha... sadly that's happened to me too. bad part was.. i thought it was part of a vanilla icecream with hard chocolate on the outside.... I was eating a sour Popsicle...

drtu 0

Monday 16 February 2009 9:09

lol this was funny

FlavorfulUnicorn 4

Thursday 19 February 2009 16:45

Lol, delish!

TJ_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 1:19

#8-- AHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA, I fell out of my chair when I read that one.

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