All you need is hate
By neversayhiagain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
You used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
An FML submitted between 5 and 6 a.m. can't be very good.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
You gave a Hug to someone. How cute!
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return, you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 a.m.
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 a.m.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.
You have put three pictures on your profile, but not necessarily pictures of your profile.
200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You have 200 followers. Everyone follows you. You should watch your mouth.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You have 100 followers. Your head's in the game.
You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
You have 50 followers and we quite frankly don't know how you managed it.
See, son, moderating FMLs is like a marathon.
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Clicking to reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried afterwards is even worthier.
You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we understand why.
You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by Alan, our moderator.
Voting on an FML in the "Work" category on a Monday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. How ironic.
You've commented on an FML that you sent in
There were only 100 numbered VDM diaries for 2011/2012. I've got one.
You've liked 20 FMLs, and your Facebook friends are going to like the FMLs you liked.
You left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
By neversayhiagain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
By AustrianCow - 22/12/2015 21:45 - Austria - Linz
By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 19:58 - Australia - Bentleigh East
By anon - 17/12/2015 18:45
By NYM88 - 17/12/2015 18:34 - Canada - Winnipeg
OP here. Firstly for those who automatically assumed my coworker was a male, you've made an ass out of you and supposedly me too. Secondly for those saying that they shouldn't have done the Heimlich maneuver and should have hit me on the back.. You've again made assumptions based on a lack of information. Unfortunately you are limited to the amount of characters your FML can be composed of so I had to leave out details. My coworker she first asked me if I could breathe, when I shook my head no, she gave a few thrusts with her palm to my back between the shoulder blades and when that failed to dislodge the candy she told me she was going to perform the Heimlich maneuver and I nodded and when she did she got it out in the first try thankfully and my ribs I think are still a bit tender from, I'd guess, bruising. And to those that said thankfully I'm alive.. Thanks, I am glad I am too even though cleaning up wasn't something I was glad about!