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By keeks_25 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 242

You deserved it 26 136

By GreenMonstR - 25/04/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 230

You deserved it 4 773

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 20:21 - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 632

You deserved it 77 890

By sodaxpopxhiccups - 03/04/2009 09:07 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked, I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband, disoriented from sleeping, came running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 329

You deserved it 8 046

sodaxpopxhiccups tells us more.

sodaxpopxhiccups 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 10:53

I can't help how I react when I see a spider. It's just an instant thing. I was bitten when I was little and broke out in a serious rash, so I freak out every time I see one now. Actually, I never really scream about anything, which is why my husband was in such a hurry to see what was wrong with me. And yes, he did just barrel in. We have a small bathroom, so the second he was in the door, he ran right into me and flung me into the tub. Looking back on it, even though it was just this morning, is really, very hysterical, and I'm still laughing about it. My nose hurts like you wouldn't believe, but it's still one of the funniest stories we have. #35 Your comment made me laugh so hard that my stomach and head hurts now. ;D Thank you for that brilliant response. :]

Slipping up

By Noname - 21/02/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 746

You deserved it 68 557