stumpyordie

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About Stumpyordie

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Stumpyordie - Followers

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Stumpyordie's FML badges

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Stumpyordie's favorite FMLs

By Noname - 02/02/2013 19:23 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 474

You deserved it 404 441

By Anonymous - 28/03/2014 20:30 - United States - Randallstown

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 845

You deserved it 5 291

Richard

By hot sweet.... not - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with Play-Doh and made a sculpture that looked like a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 685

You deserved it 6 208

Musical interlude

By Charlie529 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - South Africa - New Germany

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 930

You deserved it 14 198

Charlie529 tells us more.

Charlie529 5

Thursday 20 February 2014 18:08

My nick's misleading, but that is my name and I am a girl! Anyways. Thought I'd tell you all that I didn't get fired (O.o)/ However, I did have to give him (boss) an (exceptionally awkward) explanation because he thought I was watching funny youtube videos. He just keeps giving me the weirdest/funniest friggin' looks, and now uses the the keyword "Deep Purple" to get me to make him coffee. This acrid event seems to have made us friends. Thankfully my bowels have re-aligned to perfectly silent working condition. God, I hope he doesn't bring this up at the next work party. /dies

By sierraleeannee - 09/02/2014 06:44 - United States

Today, I was breast feeding my son. Out of nowhere, he bit my nipple hard, causing me to scream in pain. He giggled with my nipple still between his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 288

You deserved it 7 250

sierraleeannee tells us more.

sierraleeannee 13

Sunday 9 February 2014 12:59

OP here. I can't believe this got posted before I went to bed! Hahaha! For some reason this got edited out, but he ended up smacking me in the face after he bit me. He's 9 months old so he thinks it's hilarious obviously. And I'm not sure why it didn't show my name, I posted it while logged in. And as for the person who said time for bottle feeding, he won't take a bottle, which is fine with me! He's teething so he tends to bite more when he is. Glad to know my son has made people laugh :)