Health: Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so... - FML

By blarghhhh - 28/02/2016 14:58 - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 049

You deserved it 1 374

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Same thing different taste

By fuckmyassimcold - 14/12/2012 19:19 - United States

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 972

You deserved it 79 338

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 18:55 - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 382

You deserved it 8 221

Sick day

By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - 27/06/2015 05:48 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 483

You deserved it 1 961

Caring

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:58 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 384

You deserved it 1 488

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 04:56 - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 619

You deserved it 3 783

Sick

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 03:25 - Australia

Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like, but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 138

You deserved it 17 918

By lk07 - 23/04/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 051

You deserved it 387

By ZPyRoGoDz - 30/10/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 462

You deserved it 2 561

By noworkformeplease - 09/03/2017 16:00

Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 255

You deserved it 380

Next

Top comments

Candijpg 17

Monday 29 February 2016 7:35

date night in a bathroom

Setareh23 34

Monday 29 February 2016 8:05

Wow. Unless you have a habit of faking illnesses or cancelling dates for bogus reasons, it was kinda asshole-ish of him not to trust you. And even then, if you are crying and begging for the hospital, refusing is potentially putting your health at risk due to his own anger. I'm glad he is taking care of you now though...he better have apologized! Anyways, I hope your recovery goes smoothly. Appendicitis seriously sucks! xD

Comments

weird_adult 27

Monday 29 February 2016 7:32

Sounds like my comments suck

PotatoesAndCake 26

Monday 29 February 2016 11:22

Sounds like an over-used joke

Dale_shackleford 13

Monday 29 February 2016 13:56

Go back to ifunny number 1

Vagitarian4life 14

Monday 29 February 2016 7:33

Invite her into the restroom with you next time.

CheekyRaccoon 27

Monday 29 February 2016 8:24

Yeah, that's the spirit. Light some candles, throw down some rose petals and play some Kenny G, it'll be fully sick.

andrmac 25

Tuesday 1 March 2016 0:41

Caring means sharing.

Candijpg 17

Monday 29 February 2016 7:35

date night in a bathroom

KhaleesiDannie 26

Monday 29 February 2016 7:38

I'm sorry that happened OP you think she'd be more sympathetic something similar happened to me and my husband for our anniversary I hope you get better

Ashd09 30

Monday 29 February 2016 15:50

Punctuation. Use it please

KhaleesiDannie 26

Monday 29 February 2016 17:28

Nah don't care enough over the Internet to be happy I at least spell things correctly most of the time

herpderp1234 17

Monday 29 February 2016 7:40

It's that time of year...

Furcorn_57 17

Monday 29 February 2016 7:41

FYL, OP. I hate it when people think that you're faking it, although you probably aren't. I agree with everyone else, so far.

Furcorn_57 17

Monday 29 February 2016 7:46

Good luck, OP!

nightstalker94 18

Monday 29 February 2016 8:00

That's what I call a sticky situation

Setareh23 34

Monday 29 February 2016 8:05

Wow. Unless you have a habit of faking illnesses or cancelling dates for bogus reasons, it was kinda asshole-ish of him not to trust you. And even then, if you are crying and begging for the hospital, refusing is potentially putting your health at risk due to his own anger. I'm glad he is taking care of you now though...he better have apologized! Anyways, I hope your recovery goes smoothly. Appendicitis seriously sucks! xD

evanmurphy 14

Monday 29 February 2016 8:30

I like the taste of sweat.

HelloKiittyy 22

Monday 29 February 2016 8:30

Tell her you'll make it up to her! And try your best to make it very special

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The Top

Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 605

Today, my housemate picked me up from the psychiatric ward, after I'd spent ten days there with a major depressive episode. She said that she thought it rather odd that I'd gotten so bad, since she'd replaced my antidepressants with homeopathic pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 90

The Top

Today, I read an incoming message on my wife's phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 760

You deserved it 6 048

Today, I was camping with my family, and had to share a tent with my 13 year old brother. During the night he had to pee, but instead of going outside to use the bathroom, he zipped open a section of the tent, stuck his knob through it, and peed all over my shoes that were drying outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 355

You deserved it 3 066

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 096

You deserved it 22 270

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 612

You deserved it 6 728

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 379

You deserved it 59 696

Today, I had been looking forward to sex all day, got home, got my husband's engine running, got naked on top of him, violently sneezed at his new aftershave, and started my period all over his balls. We were centimetres away from sex and now have to wait 3 to 7 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 429