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Kamikaze

Hot Dog - 29/12/2022 09:00

Today, my dog was cold, so she kept sitting around the oven. When I opened it to put my pizza in, she hopped into it. The massive yelp of pain as she did so is going to haunt my dreams… and my financial stability. Even the vet has no idea how she's still alive. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Masterchef

Anonymous - 21/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML

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mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

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Deep dish

Grauncho - 22/09/2012 14:12 - United States - Chicago

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

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Clever boy

Anonymous - 28/01/2023 02:30

Today, I found out my dog can open the fridge. Now I have no food left. FML

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Fire hazard

ThankfullyNotKickedOut - 26/08/2016 18:17 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

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Woof!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - 23/01/2023 01:30 - United States

Today, I was walking to my room. My friend's dog, who has always seemed to hate me for no reason, let out the loudest bark he could muster the moment he saw me. Not only did he scare the absolute fuck out of me, he also made me drop my pizza. FML

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humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

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Jlipka - 22/05/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

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Anonymous - 23/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

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Clever boy

Lisa87 - 21/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML

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kristinagir 11

Thursday 29 December 2022 9:48

Oh my gosh! I hope she has a fast recovery. I’m so sorry

Shzusuziq11 11

Thursday 29 December 2022 16:15

When I'm working at the stove, my dog is not around, just for this very reason!

kristinagir 11

Thursday 29 December 2022 9:48

Oh my gosh! I hope she has a fast recovery. I’m so sorry

Shzusuziq11 11

Thursday 29 December 2022 16:15

When I'm working at the stove, my dog is not around, just for this very reason!

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 29 December 2022 16:36

I hope the pizza was ok! ...oh, yeah, and the dog, too.

emmalou 19

Friday 30 December 2022 8:17

I can't imagine a dog being that dumb lol but still I jumped in the oven not a fire pit so why are we surprised it's alive

SirEnigM0nk 22

Monday 2 January 2023 16:33

That poor pup :( I hope for a speedy recovery and that she has no permanent tissue damage. Please, keep her out of the kitchen when using the oven going forward (not because she's likely to go near it again but better for CYA).