Sex, Alcohol, Drunk and Neighbours: More than I'd like to know - FML

More than I'd like to know

By Anonymous - 26/06/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, I had to restrain my neighbour because he and his wife were so stoned that they were trying to have sex on my lawn. I got close enough to find out they have matching genital piercings, a ring through her clitoris and an identical ring in his penis. I need therapy, or alcohol, lots of alcohol FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 159

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Same thing different taste

Soundproofing

By Anonymous - 18/05/2024 19:00

Spicy

Today, after days of hearing our new neighbour abusing his wife, my wife went round to confront him while on the phone with the police. Turns out they are just really into their BDSM and had no idea how loud they were being. They have costumes, toys and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 64

Chapter and verse

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 14:15

Spicy

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "Love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 502

You deserved it 1 530

By bystander - 07/02/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 768

You deserved it 2 898

By ehbe - 27/11/2008 08:52 - France

Spicy

Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're F*ing, go away". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 049

You deserved it 8 179

Fantasy world

By whathef???? - 13/02/2010 06:51 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 857

You deserved it 7 894

Creeper Alert

By "of fucking course" - 05/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 117

You deserved it 892

Neighborly

By Anonymous - 14/05/2024 23:00

Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 95

By AmberHavoc - 02/01/2013 15:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got so drunk that I decided it was a good idea to get naked and jump on a trampoline in the back of a neighbour’s garden. Said neighbour is a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 995

You deserved it 46 788

By AussieG75 - 21/07/2012 04:48 - United States - Saint Augustine

Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 376

You deserved it 2 546

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 14:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that when my neighbors throw a party, it includes guests having sex in my garage, and relieving themselves on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 101

Next

Top comments

cuz803 44

Monday 26 June 2023 23:29

No. Get therapy and hit the gym. Don't drink the pain away... Sorry you saw a porno in person 😂

JasonThorn 19

Thursday 29 June 2023 15:37

The fact that you hadn't dialed 911 the moment you saw them on your lawn is telling. You just watched them instead.

Comments

cuz803 44

Monday 26 June 2023 23:29

No. Get therapy and hit the gym. Don't drink the pain away... Sorry you saw a porno in person 😂

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 27 June 2023 3:10

Why go to the gym? I've never seen one with an electroshock machine that can zap traumatic memories.

JasonThorn 19

Thursday 29 June 2023 15:37

The fact that you hadn't dialed 911 the moment you saw them on your lawn is telling. You just watched them instead.

smiley_219 2

Friday 30 June 2023 1:48

I’m curious how and why you got close enough to inspect their piercings?

SirEnigM0nk 22

Friday 30 June 2023 4:15

Careful what you ask for.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I thought I'd patched up the hole in my window pretty well. That is, until I heard a buzzing noise in my room. There was a huge ass bee that somehow got inside and was trying to escape. I would've helped, but I'm terrified of bees, and I'm now afraid to enter my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 198

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. It all was going fine until my mom asked aloud, "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied, "No." I'd actually been painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 443

You deserved it 4 300

The Top

Today, my horror movie-obsessed girlfriend hit a new level of crazy when she asked me to dress up as Ghostface during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 239

Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 428

You deserved it 4 372

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 384

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 173

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 954

You deserved it 5 703

Today, I went to a party and we all decided to play hide-and-go-seek despite our ages. I started counting. When I was done, I started searching and after 5 minutes of searching, I found that everyone left me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 022

You deserved it 6 854