Intimacy, Health, Mental health and Wanker: That would be really great

That would be really great

By Anonymous - 19/04/2024 14:00 - United States - North Brunswick

Today, I actually googled whether masturbation could induce weight loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 185

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Fattymuch - 14/09/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 961

You deserved it 51 973

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 1 721

Missing

By SignificantShrinkage - 08/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 953

You deserved it 1 903

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 983

You deserved it 64 692

By anonymous - 16/11/2010 22:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 853

You deserved it 11 664

That slaps!

By Kelli - 08/04/2020 02:00

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 953

By jai90 - 03/02/2014 21:16 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 223

You deserved it 3 825

By chunkymonkey - 23/11/2011 23:54

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 806

You deserved it 6 272

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 205

You deserved it 39 598

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 11:01

Today, I decided to get back into exercising and healthy eating. Why? So I can hopefully look good enough to do porn and make some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 523

Chazzster 28

Friday 19 April 2024 20:19

It would be if you went for a long walk first.

wrecklesswfire 1

Saturday 20 April 2024 21:53

well? can it?

Comments

Chazzster 28

Friday 19 April 2024 20:19

It would be if you went for a long walk first.

rick 9

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:55

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

rick 9

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:56

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

rick 9

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:56

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

wrecklesswfire 1

Saturday 20 April 2024 21:53

well? can it?

jkjorn 15

Monday 22 April 2024 15:48

asking for a friend, right?

Keywords

Growing old Health Relatable Mental health Embarrassing Periods Work Job interview Awkward Education Social Media Love Stalker Instagram Spiders Ironic Animals Phobias Bikes Transportation Ecology Parents Confused Kids Weird Drunk AITA Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek

The Top

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 10 108

Today, one of my co-workers, who I secretly hate, announced she and her husband were expecting. She's rather big. Without thinking, I said, "How did he manage to find your vag under those fat rolls?" I got placed on suspension and now have to attend a training on sexual harassment in the workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 3 629

The Top

Today, after much dieting and exercise, I can proudly say that my love handles are now bigger than my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 387

You deserved it 628

Today, I told my mom my husband and I were considering having another baby. She said, "No!" about 30 times. Then later she texted me that she insists on no more kids. I guess I will never have that bonding moment with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 162

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 541

You deserved it 6 582

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 407

You deserved it 43 018

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 186

You deserved it 7 842

Today, a woman turned up uninvited at my house, ready for our first date. After some embarrassed investigating, it turns out my mother signed me up to Tinder and arranged a date, all without telling me, because she refuses to believe I prefer solitude over dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 121

That would be really great

Same thing different taste

Can't be bothered

Missing

That slaps!

Sex work is real work

Top comments

Comments