Health: Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked... - FML

By goingtothegym - 09/12/2013 01:16 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 6 546

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Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

By anonynomi - 19/11/2015 17:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 029

You deserved it 1 603

Smugglers unite

By atang - 09/04/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 932

You deserved it 11 454

J'accuse !

By Anonymous - 10/08/2010 21:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 175

You deserved it 2 995

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 02:01

Today, there's a food thief in our office who manages to steal from the fridge without being caught, and everyone keeps blaming me, probably because I’m the fattest. I have a gastric band and can only eat a few mouthfuls before being full, but still people think I’m stealing entire bags of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 146

Thick as thieves

By blovesg - 07/04/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 386

You deserved it 539 567

By nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 154

You deserved it 3 061

Shame! Shame! Shame!

By Telinaa - 08/11/2010 02:25 - Australia

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 188

You deserved it 3 058

Fashionista

By malicious_melons - 07/07/2013 23:41 - United States - Santa Paula

Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 227

You deserved it 3 529

XXL

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 23:01

Today, after losing 20 pounds, I decided to purchase new clothes. All of the clothes at the store were still too small for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 249

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 345

Next

Top comments

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

It's okay, OP. December is cold. 'Tis the season to gain some extra insulation.

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:29

I had the opposite happen once, see I was shoplifting condoms and the owner caught me, looked at my face and let me go saying I couldn't possibly use them so I couldn't possibly be stealing em.

Comments

thaddaeus413 7

Monday 9 December 2013 8:07

Hit that gym

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:25

No guts no glory

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:29

I had the opposite happen once, see I was shoplifting condoms and the owner caught me, looked at my face and let me go saying I couldn't possibly use them so I couldn't possibly be stealing em.

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:30

@1 you're comment is stupid when you consider the ops name

JocelynKaulitz 28

Monday 9 December 2013 8:40

#1, I'm sure he hasn't considered that before…

TheCanucklehead 22

Monday 9 December 2013 8:56

Beast mode time.

Rednipplehippo 1

Monday 9 December 2013 18:40

I know right. It's his own fault

spoo 24

Monday 9 December 2013 23:18

Lots of "him" "his" for a woman.

Katiakatxx 13

Monday 9 December 2013 8:07

that's awful! D: it also reminds me of Family guy..

Blink_me26 21

Monday 9 December 2013 10:35

That was my first thought too

Doritozilla 20

Monday 9 December 2013 19:42

"I need an adult, I NEED AN ADULT!"

paskievitchjack 23

Tuesday 21 February 2017 21:01

I need an adult! I need an adult!

DrHail 22

Monday 9 December 2013 8:08

Fyl, OP. I know the feeling. But that's ok! You're probably too fabulous anyway.

jazzy_123 20

Monday 9 December 2013 9:55

OP is probably PHAT, Pretty Hot And Tempting.

spoo 24

Monday 9 December 2013 23:20

sick of fat being given Euphemisms...

jazzy_123 20

Tuesday 10 December 2013 7:49

80, I'm pretty sure you can't handle a real PHAT woman *hair flip*

Fender60_fml 6

Monday 9 December 2013 8:08

U probably need to lay of the snacks, like cake.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:13

You probably need to lay off the bitchiness.

Fender60_fml 6

Monday 9 December 2013 8:25

Nigga shut yo titts

SilentNightz 9

Monday 9 December 2013 8:09

Lose dem pounds.

EternalTime 7

Monday 9 December 2013 12:36

Good advice, I'm sure this never ran through his head

Lilxpie 18

Monday 9 December 2013 13:48

#60 - Her head you mean.

PunsY0 5

Monday 9 December 2013 8:09

4th

PunsY0 5

Monday 9 December 2013 8:10

*6th

whiteboy896 9

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

And ill be the 1st to say, who cares?

wheres_waldo13 4

Monday 9 December 2013 8:10

lay off them twinkies

NessaMae 19

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

This seems like a common problem considering the vast amount of FML's similar to this one lol.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

It's okay, OP. December is cold. 'Tis the season to gain some extra insulation.

Gingerette 8

Monday 9 December 2013 8:13

Heck yeah. I broke out my vat of walrus fat back in November.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:14

Thinking ahead! Good job!

awkwardturtl3 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

they need glasses

Keywords

Health Awkward Motherhood Money Transportation Sadness Lonely Dentist Work Abuse Nepotism Relatable Ironic Parents Miscellaneous Birthday Food AITA Virginity Love Sex Intimacy OCD Mental health Cute Cleaning Housework Creepy Argument Kids

The Top

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 097

You deserved it 20 811

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 231

You deserved it 6 620

The Top

Today, in front of all my family, my grandmother said it was so funny how my brother was my mother’s favorite, while my sister was my father’s favorite. When I asked whose favorite I was, there was silence. From everyone. Including my parents. Guess I know where I’m not wanted now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 126

Today, I was crossing the street and did a full on faceplant. The reason? I pinched a nerve in my foot a couple of days ago, and now it’s completely useless. It’s like walking around with a dead foot. I think I’d be better off hopping on one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 106

Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 979

You deserved it 2 219

Today, I did a pregnancy announcement with my boyfriend and our families. My boyfriend acted happy until we were driving home, then claimed I pressured him with witnesses, started to cry because he doesn’t want kids, and by the end was begging me to give it up for adoption. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 816

Today, I informed my daughter-in-law that I’m a granny, not an unpaid, on-call 24/7 babysitter, and no, I will not be babysitting her kids all day so she can go to an all-day brunch with her similarly selfish girlfriends. She threw an actual tantrum and threatened to put me in a home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 151

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 789

You deserved it 333