Intimacy: Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off... - FML

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 175

You deserved it 32 490

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Same thing different taste

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 127

You deserved it 8 539

By Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Spicy

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 799

You deserved it 8 817

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 924

You deserved it 74 549

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Spicy

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 051

You deserved it 38 867

By Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 770

You deserved it 38 582

By Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 542

You deserved it 5 711

By bill219 - 07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 230

You deserved it 26 076

Hard to believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 360

You deserved it 571

Disappointed

By WhatALetdown - 25/11/2015 00:26 - United States - Danbury

Spicy

Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 631

You deserved it 5 514

Why so serious?

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 436

You deserved it 3 384

Next

Top comments

Charryboo 11

Friday 4 October 2013 8:28

sounds fruity!

Ramanella 26

Friday 4 October 2013 8:30

Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.

Comments

asherm 15

Friday 4 October 2013 23:59

Get a great vibrator!

83babynique 7

Saturday 5 October 2013 0:57

Or the banana will.....

laurapiggy 3

Saturday 5 October 2013 1:25

Vibrator!? Get one.

thapora 8

Saturday 5 October 2013 1:40

Ever herd of buying a *****/vibrator? Leave the poor banana alone lol

taziiscool 5

Saturday 5 October 2013 2:31

Did you get banana herpes?

jsc9306 14

Saturday 5 October 2013 3:52

That sucks!

an3ph 20

Saturday 5 October 2013 3:59

Just think about that poor banana. *winces

pistolpete31000 7

Saturday 5 October 2013 4:07

The banana might have liked it! I'm a banana I'm a banana I'm a banana!! Ahh that just popped into my head

blayzie420 7

Saturday 5 October 2013 4:25

daaaayuuummm...that's. ...freaky.

irritatedone 5

Saturday 5 October 2013 6:12

Just buy a *****.

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Keywords

Underwear Clothes Money Intimacy Awkward Sexting Love Health Transportation Cars Annoying Relatable Diets Food Family Technology Geek Moving home Parenting Work Friends Sex Weird Dogs Animals Kids Accident Ironic Dentist Miscellaneous

The Top

Today, the slow, incompetent kitchen staff was keeping customers waiting for their food for 20 minutes. I got sick of a bunch of grown adults with kids my age ganging up on me, so I quit on the spot, and walked. Some guy grabbed me by the collar and dragged me back to the register. People cheered. FML

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You deserved it 105

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

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You deserved it 492

The Top

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

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You deserved it 3 663

Today, I'm a divorced father, and my daughter is having a sleepover with 5 friends. They are about to jump in the hot tub and one of them is using one of my girlfriend's tampons. This led to a discussion about virginity and hymens. The quality of sex ed in my province is terrible, but I'm hiding instead of correcting them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 477

Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 341

Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 016

You deserved it 2 103

Today, I got way too bored and stoned, so I created a Tinder profile named "Covid" with a picture of the Coronavirus and a funny description. I'd never had so many matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 762

Today, after a shitty day, I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. When I grabbed the salt container, the bottom lid came off and the salt went everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 932

You deserved it 367