This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By MarriedSingleGuy - 16/10/2017 19:16

Today, it's been a year since my wife and I moved to our new house, and 3 months since she ordered a new king-sized bed. I still don't know what the bed feels like, but I have an awesome relationship with the couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks 4 999
You deserved it 865

Ghost563412 tells us more.

Ghost563412 3

OP here. To address some confusion: I don't sleep in the same bed (or room, for that matter) because I apparently snore like a rusty chainsaw. We moved into our new place a year ago with an old beat up bed, she ordered a new bed while I was out of state working 4 months ago now. To further clarify, I've napped in the bed once, and we do use it for purposes other than sleeping. However, she has to sleep in an ice cold room, and I can't have cold temperatures because I have an ear that is very sensitive to cold. So, no, there has been no cheating on either behalf, and we have spoken about this... we agreed that this arrangement is for the better especially because I am also a very active sleeper. I've been known to punch people when sleeping. I also made this FML when I was going through a depressive episode.

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Top comments

Lobby_Bee 17

What I really want to know is how bad you ****** up three months ago. It's weird, bad enough to be kicked out of bed for three months, but not bad enough to be in the same house. This fine line is near impossible to be on.

64 4
tarabella 7

uuhhh.....why? this needs so much more explanation, it makes no sense

51 1

Comments

azouwa 26

Dude... wow. It does suck to be you... Some guy probably knows what the bed feels like.

6 11
MollyTheCat 13

Is the bed not there? Or has she kicked you out? Because if she had, you to talk this out.

9 2
Lobby_Bee 17

What I really want to know is how bad you ****** up three months ago. It's weird, bad enough to be kicked out of bed for three months, but not bad enough to be in the same house. This fine line is near impossible to be on.

64 4
tarabella 7

uuhhh.....why? this needs so much more explanation, it makes no sense

51 1
boopingsnoot 24

He's been sleeping on the sofa for at least three months, and hasn't touched the bed his wife sleeps in. No matter who's at fault, they need marriage counseling at the very least.

14 3
Dave_Davington 33

And the award for "Most Spineless Man in the World" goes to...

12 15
Kurliez408 32

i hope this is just a joke about her hogging the bed and not actually her refusal to let you sleep there. either way fyl OP

10 0
BanjoCheeseGuy 26

This really needs a followup. Did you piss her off? Is she just in general really controlling? Why would she buy a king size bed and never let you sleep there?

5 0
RichardPencil 30

Look, the correct answer is “No, those pants DON’T make your butt look fat!” Once you can say that with a straight face, you can go to her bed.

16 11
Mike3258 18

dont understand the downvotes, this comment is perfect

5 0
Tripartita 44

I really hope you can make things work. It would suck if your awesome relationship was ruined by the deadweight who sleeps on the king-sized bed.

5 4
gar2014 23

she is obviously the man in the marriage and wears the pants or she would be sleeping on the porch !

1 10