Love: Useful idiot - FML

Useful idiot

By taintedlover - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 452

You deserved it 7 685

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

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Same thing different taste

Timing is everything

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 22:54 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend, all while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 969

You deserved it 3 400

By ClearOne - 12/05/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend considers me a glorified ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 654

You deserved it 31 980

By ...thanks - 07/09/2013 14:17 - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 680

You deserved it 4 880

By Anonymous - 10/08/2012 22:06 - Thailand - Bangkok

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 507

You deserved it 4 965

By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 23:01 - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 218

You deserved it 5 168

By hahahawoww - 31/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 475

You deserved it 4 459

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By nobody - 01/07/2023 00:02

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's best friend started coming on to me. I was appalled, and told her she was a terrible friend. My girlfriend jumped out of nowhere and started crying. Apparently, her kink is watching her best friend and boyfriend fuck, and she's now mad I didn't go for it. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 194

By .... - 24/12/2013 02:48 - United States - Modesto

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 062

You deserved it 3 724

By dumped - 27/10/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 828

You deserved it 2 796

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 930

You deserved it 4 135

Next

Top comments

harrypotter955 19

Wednesday 14 May 2014 1:39

1800-choke DAT hoe

The_Big_Boss 20

Wednesday 14 May 2014 1:39

She enjoys the sex.. So you've got that going for you, which is nice

Comments

draokc 9

Saturday 31 May 2014 19:28

life could be worse....

xxcaitlannxx 15

Tuesday 10 June 2014 22:32

Damn, you poor thing :(

Miss_Chevious 37

Monday 30 June 2014 14:38

Tell your friend that, thats what a ****** with legs would say

Thebrassmonkey 0

Sunday 20 July 2014 9:57

So you found a girl will have sex with you without emotional attachments. And you see this as a bad thing?

LyricaSilvan 29

Wednesday 25 February 2015 16:24

Um...wow... So I'm gonna guess she's your ex by now.

vibekiller 2

Thursday 12 May 2016 6:02

Break up with her and say that the reason is because she's bad in bed.

EwahWeeWah 21

Wednesday 1 June 2016 15:30

Isn't that like referring to women as "walking vaginas"?

musictherapy 7

Wednesday 22 March 2017 18:48

A male friend of mine used to live with a lesbian couple, and at one point, their strap-on broke or something. Long story short, he ended up being a ***** for them.

Nico97 3

Sunday 17 March 2024 16:44

buy her a *****, and attach a note telling her to f herself and you’re done with her unless she’s ok with being a fleshlight with an awful personality

Keywords

Relatable AITA Love Break-ups Work Awkward Clothes Customers Weird Miscellaneous Shopping My ex Romantic Texting Embarrassing Racism Family Kids Death Health Cheating Cats Cute Animals Intimacy Sex Relationship advice Coworkers Alcohol Mental health

The Top

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off, so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 556

You deserved it 8 618

Today, I'm being forced to keep an eye on my cousin, who is getting married in the morning. He’s tried to marry his fiancé before and chickened out at the altar. For some reason she forgave him and now the bride's mother has made it my job to watch him like a hawk until after the "I Do-s", or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 84

The Top

Today, my mother-in-law told me to "just wait" until she gets home from her trip, because apparently, taking a vacation with her partner is more important than the birth of her first grandchild. Contractions started a few hours ago. Part of me hopes she misses it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 216

Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 061

You deserved it 2 787

Today, despite having pretty bad social anxiety and clinical depression, and hardly ever leaving the house, I spent an hour and a half at a store figuring out what size pants I am. They just cancelled my order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 156

Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 259

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 244

You deserved it 18 019

Today, my wife, who I haven’t seen for over a month because we both travel a lot for work, got home. The last thing she said to me was that she couldn't wait to get home because she just wants some alone time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 228