Health: Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked... - FML

By goingtothegym - 09/12/2013 01:16 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I was accused of shoplifting because my jacket looked "too chunky". I wasn't stealing, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 729

You deserved it 6 552

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Same thing different taste

By anonynomi - 19/11/2015 17:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 1 604

Smugglers unite

By atang - 09/04/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 941

You deserved it 11 455

J'accuse !

By Anonymous - 10/08/2010 21:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 188

You deserved it 3 011

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 02:01

Today, there's a food thief in our office who manages to steal from the fridge without being caught, and everyone keeps blaming me, probably because I’m the fattest. I have a gastric band and can only eat a few mouthfuls before being full, but still people think I’m stealing entire bags of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 168

Thick as thieves

By blovesg - 07/04/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 401

You deserved it 539 692

By nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 161

You deserved it 3 066

Shame! Shame! Shame!

By Telinaa - 08/11/2010 02:25 - Australia

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 202

You deserved it 3 065

Fashionista

By malicious_melons - 07/07/2013 23:41 - United States - Santa Paula

Today, my mother had a full-on hissy fit because of the clothes I was wearing. Not because she thought they were inappropriate, but because I was "stealing her look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 242

You deserved it 3 529

XXL

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 23:01

Today, after losing 20 pounds, I decided to purchase new clothes. All of the clothes at the store were still too small for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 282

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 368

Next

Top comments

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

It's okay, OP. December is cold. 'Tis the season to gain some extra insulation.

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:29

I had the opposite happen once, see I was shoplifting condoms and the owner caught me, looked at my face and let me go saying I couldn't possibly use them so I couldn't possibly be stealing em.

Comments

thaddaeus413 7

Monday 9 December 2013 8:07

Hit that gym

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:25

No guts no glory

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:29

I had the opposite happen once, see I was shoplifting condoms and the owner caught me, looked at my face and let me go saying I couldn't possibly use them so I couldn't possibly be stealing em.

Somuchart 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:30

@1 you're comment is stupid when you consider the ops name

JocelynKaulitz 28

Monday 9 December 2013 8:40

#1, I'm sure he hasn't considered that before…

TheCanucklehead 22

Monday 9 December 2013 8:56

Beast mode time.

Rednipplehippo 1

Monday 9 December 2013 18:40

I know right. It's his own fault

spoo 24

Monday 9 December 2013 23:18

Lots of "him" "his" for a woman.

Katiakatxx 13

Monday 9 December 2013 8:07

that's awful! D: it also reminds me of Family guy..

Blink_me26 21

Monday 9 December 2013 10:35

That was my first thought too

Doritozilla 20

Monday 9 December 2013 19:42

"I need an adult, I NEED AN ADULT!"

paskievitchjack 23

Tuesday 21 February 2017 21:01

I need an adult! I need an adult!

DrHail 22

Monday 9 December 2013 8:08

Fyl, OP. I know the feeling. But that's ok! You're probably too fabulous anyway.

jazzy_123 20

Monday 9 December 2013 9:55

OP is probably PHAT, Pretty Hot And Tempting.

spoo 24

Monday 9 December 2013 23:20

sick of fat being given Euphemisms...

jazzy_123 20

Tuesday 10 December 2013 7:49

80, I'm pretty sure you can't handle a real PHAT woman *hair flip*

Fender60_fml 6

Monday 9 December 2013 8:08

U probably need to lay of the snacks, like cake.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:13

You probably need to lay off the bitchiness.

Fender60_fml 6

Monday 9 December 2013 8:25

Nigga shut yo titts

SilentNightz 9

Monday 9 December 2013 8:09

Lose dem pounds.

EternalTime 7

Monday 9 December 2013 12:36

Good advice, I'm sure this never ran through his head

Lilxpie 18

Monday 9 December 2013 13:48

#60 - Her head you mean.

PunsY0 5

Monday 9 December 2013 8:09

4th

PunsY0 5

Monday 9 December 2013 8:10

*6th

whiteboy896 9

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

And ill be the 1st to say, who cares?

wheres_waldo13 4

Monday 9 December 2013 8:10

lay off them twinkies

NessaMae 19

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

This seems like a common problem considering the vast amount of FML's similar to this one lol.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

It's okay, OP. December is cold. 'Tis the season to gain some extra insulation.

Gingerette 8

Monday 9 December 2013 8:13

Heck yeah. I broke out my vat of walrus fat back in November.

xnyletak 17

Monday 9 December 2013 8:14

Thinking ahead! Good job!

awkwardturtl3 3

Monday 9 December 2013 8:11

they need glasses

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 201

You deserved it 17 042

Today, at work, I'm supervising one person. Recently there's been tension between her and a couple of other coworkers, one of which was her friend. I spent the day running around and trying to smooth things over, just to find out what started this was her walking in on her former friend talking about her behind her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 96

The Top

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 480

You deserved it 3 834

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 172

You deserved it 49 927

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 330

You deserved it 339 239

Today, I finally got my wedding photos in the mail. As I looked through them, I soon realized that the lace material on my wedding dress was completely see-through in the sunlight, and my bra and panties were visible in every single outdoor photo. I had an outdoor wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 316

You deserved it 9 026

Today, I tried to do a TikTok dance and ended up knocking over a lamp and breaking it. It wasn't even my lamp. I now think I'm probably too old for current social media trendiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 1 017

Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 772

You deserved it 6 969