Work: Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason,...

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 190

You deserved it 4 208

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 21:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 019

You deserved it 5 401

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 380

By caught out - 26/04/2014 23:29 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 718

You deserved it 7 422

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 10:30 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 606

You deserved it 9 156

Squits

By fishtities - 07/04/2016 04:56 - United States - Dallas

Today, as a reward for starting to eating healthy, I got the squits at work. After going to the restroom, my stall didn't have toilet paper, the other two stalls didn't have any either. My boss definitely noticed too when he walked in on me with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 707

You deserved it 1 745

Jeremy?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 22:00

Today, I shat myself in the middle of Walmart. It dripped out the bottom of my pants till i made it to the restroom, which was on the other side of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 266

By tori210 - 15/08/2017 16:00

Today, I was walking out of work. I felt like everyone was staring at me but brushed it off. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had toilet paper sticking out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 471

You deserved it 710

By badbowel - 31/01/2018 13:00 - United States - Utica

Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 872

You deserved it 299

Am I a ghost to you?

By AJ. - 19/08/2021 14:01

Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 348

By mallcop - 14/02/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, while I was working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 805

You deserved it 2 636

skilova4lifezzz 19

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:15

Tell the cashier to mind his own business and leave your shit alone.

Trym 7

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:16

Sounds like you should have sacrifised a sock!

Comments

tanekdrachonae 19

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:11

Sorry about your shitty day OP.

ThatFancyPenn 18

Wednesday 1 January 2014 2:13

Welcome to FML, where this pun isn't even considered a pun anymore.

ohnowhyme123 15

Wednesday 1 January 2014 3:34

You must of had a crappy day!

JustinKirby 20

Wednesday 1 January 2014 4:24

Didn't #1 just attempt that pun?

jolie21 18

Wednesday 1 January 2014 5:36

I just have to say what's on my mind. This reminded me of the buy more ^^ awesome show!

fksfsdhfsdfh 26

Wednesday 1 January 2014 8:00

It's not going to work if it failed for the person before you!

onlychildFTW 33

Thursday 2 January 2014 14:03

No shitty jokes. Jeeze man.

skilova4lifezzz 19

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:15

Tell the cashier to mind his own business and leave your shit alone.

\ 28

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:56

Hopefully, he got some laundry detergent with it.

dingleberrysteve 6

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:13

the smell encompasses you

yerbduebeenehe 16

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:15

"Care to explain why you've shit your pants, sir?"

HKCgrimmjow 15

Wednesday 1 January 2014 1:10

I think he just did actually.

Trym 7

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:16

Sounds like you should have sacrifised a sock!

dachayke 16

Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:02

*Sacrificed. Remember, grammer are important.

Wizardo 33

Wednesday 1 January 2014 0:43

What the shit, grammar is important*...

HKCgrimmjow 15

Wednesday 1 January 2014 1:11

Sorry #25 but you can't say grammar is important and then **** up the word grammar. That's just a douchebag move...

djkazic 5

Wednesday 1 January 2014 1:21

He was being sarcastic, look how he used 'are'.

ThatFancyPenn 18

Wednesday 1 January 2014 2:15

I'm laughing my ass off at this FML. The actual one itself, and the comments. How do you guys not get that it was sarcasm?

Trym 7

Wednesday 1 January 2014 3:05

Well, sorry for not beeing english, and typing in a hurry with an iPhone set to norwegian autocorrect, and then slipping on one letter. :)

arandomusernameaa 20

Wednesday 1 January 2014 13:00

Go away grammar Nazi!

ThomasBombadil 31

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:16

I think there is a country song about this. If not there should be.

TheRoyalDog 10

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:22

"Have a shitty rest of the day, Miss!"

TheRoyalDog 10

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:33

I am ashamed of that comment

ilovefall10 21

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:26

OP, I know your pain. It's never fun having a upset stomach, and trust me, I suffer from IBS, so it happens a lot.

hopsinlove17 26

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:28

Everybody gets sick OP, no need to feel super embarrassed. I hope for your speedy recovery(:

DeviOomaki 9

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:30

Hope you feel better soon OP

bessiemay01 5

Tuesday 31 December 2013 23:31

Why would you keep going to the store? I'd turn around and dump the crap in the pot and hop in the shower.

honeymoonroyale 20

Wednesday 1 January 2014 3:48

Lol yeah, I'm pretty sure there was a shower around lol

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 4 692

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 23

The Top

Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 332

You deserved it 3 370

Today, we had to abandon a Winter Scout camping trip midway because of a blizzard. I was hauling my stuff out of the cabin. No one warned me about the icy steps. I slipped, landed on my tailbone, blacked out and saw stars. Everyone is now laughing at me and doing impressions of me rolling in the snow in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 107

Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 560

You deserved it 227

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 777

You deserved it 64 421

Today, I was prescribed medicine for anxiety. Without it, my stomach churns all day. With it, I shake uncontrollably and my eyes twitch. Now I have to choose between diarrhea and rude stares from people in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 919

You deserved it 3 008

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 202

Same thing different taste

Poot

Squits

Jeremy?

Am I a ghost to you?

Top comments

Comments