Sex

In the mood

By Anonymous - 04/01/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to break a recent dry spell brought on my sickness, stress, and a death in the family. She asked me for sex, but I’m too stressed out even to consider it. Looks like the dry spell is extended indefinitely and it’s all my fault. I’m a shitty boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 150

Girl…

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 04:00 - Canada - Sydney

Today, I’m questioning everything about me. I’ve been in a relationship with the same guy for almost 3 years now, high school sweethearts if you will. Now I’m starting to question if I even like guys. I’ve never gotten off to a guy, but women? I’ve always gotten off to them. My boyfriend is so sweet, I don’t know how to do this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 177

No kinkshaming!

By Yuck - 31/12/2024 02:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boyfriend told me that I'm "almost" his perfect woman, and that if I wanted to be the perfect woman, I needed to start eating his ass. Yeah, no. See you never. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 143

Mystery shutdown

By Anonymous - 29/12/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife always told me she loved sex too much to ever give it up. I don’t know what’s happened recently but she’s now angry for no reason, bitter at the world, makes me suffer just for existing, and yes, she’s cancelled all intimacy and sex for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 79

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time!

By Hoe, hoe, hoe - 24/12/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex posted a rant on Facebook about how much he hates this time of year. He ended it with "and now the bitch broke up with me two days before Christmas." He conveniently left out the part where "the bitch" caught him having sex with another woman last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 85

Dogging at home

By Anonymous - 24/12/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I got freaky in the living room. Apparently we didn’t close the curtain all the way because three of our neighbours called the police. There was barely a 4 inch gap in the curtain. They must've had their noses right up to the window, or using binoculars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 88

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 21/12/2024 11:00 - United States - Port Ludlow

Today, my boyfriend of 10 years won’t marry me until all my debts are paid off, which will take me 10 to 12 years to do. To add insult to injury, he’s been using intimacy as part of a reward system for me, and no matter how hard I try to earn it and as much as I initiate like he wants, he keeps turning me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 286

Stank ass

By Anonymous - 20/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Brunswick

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 153

Plans for fun

By no sex, boo - 18/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my fiancee and I dropped off our kiddo at a birthday party. Since it's been a couple of weeks of no sex, I said, "We could have sex while he's gone!" She said "Or… we could clean!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 124

Safe sex

By avoiding preggers - 17/12/2024 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 100

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 90

Dude bros

By Single - 14/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I learned that when you try to be respectful of your new girlfriend and stay out of her pants for the first couple of months, she's just going to sleep with your douchebag roommate. He even said, "A girl this hot, you need to fuck her ASAP or she'll leave. Your loss, dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 177

To each their own

By Anonymous - 13/12/2024 07:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 531

Cheating with the showerhead

By Anonymous - 12/12/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife shouted at me for masturbating in the shower, because, "It’s disgusting." She hasn’t touched me sexually in two years FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 88

Fitness for duty

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 11:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I fucked up by jacking off. I have trouble getting "in the mood" due to medication and other things, so when I do I'm excited to enjoy myself, though it often takes a while and a lot of physical effort to get there. However, in the process of getting off today, I threw out my back and my hip. I'm only 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 126

Don't you want me baby?

By Ugh - 05/12/2024 21:00 - Romania

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 110

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 03/12/2024 18:00 - United States - Portland

Today, out of the kindness of my heart, and so he wouldn't have to spend any money, I gave my ex-boyfriend my login information to my Vudu account. Big mistake. He logged me out of all devices, changed the password, and won't give me the new login information until I give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 741

Infuriating

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 16:00 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I've been with my girlfriend for almost six years and its been years since we had sex. I’m only 25. I’ve had a lot of urges and every time I’ve tried to start something she brushes it off. It's to the point where every sex scene I see in a movie makes me sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 256

Needs and desires

By Yeah, no. - 28/11/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I found out my husband is a cuck. After explaining that I'm not exactly satisfied in the bedroom, we were thinking of ideas to spice things up. I suggested buying a few toys he could use on me. He immediately got mad, because he wanted me to find other men to screw instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 120

To the end

By Anonymous - 27/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex because he was watching TV and wanted to know how it ended. The show was probably ten years-old and on Netflix. He could watch it anytime he wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 177

Proud Papa moment

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 112

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 244

You deserved it 1 511

Plot twist

By Anonymous - 16/11/2024 19:00 - Australia - Emerald

Today, I had finally convinced myself to attend my first BDSM party by telling myself, "No one there knows you, and if they do, they're interested in the same thing." Once there, I immediately noticed the giant hole in my train of thought: One of the bar staff was a fellow uni student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 278

Mommy's bravest boy

By Anonymous - 13/11/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my ex broke up with me because his mom didn't like me. He was visiting me across the country at the time, and still had a few days left. He had the audacity to still ask to sleep with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 72

Decisions, decisions

By Not how that works - 10/11/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I were talking about possibly having a threesome. In his words, choosing a woman would be "a fun new experience for us to enjoy together." But choosing a man would be "forcing me to watch you cheat, and pretend that I'm okay with it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 165

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 229

Marital bliss

By Anonymous - 04/11/2024 23:00 - Romania - Baia Mare

Today, my wife admitted she's upset with me because she can see I'm unhappy in our marriage. We've been married for over two months and we still haven't had penetrative sex because she's scared of the pain. I cook and care for the house alone (I work remotely), I make 6 times as much money as her, but she's mad I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 151

Nice try

By Anonymous - 02/11/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks tried to use sex to manipulate me. After sex, I was blissful and half asleep, which is the time she chose to tell me she has some credit card debt and could I please help her pay it off. £27,000. Yeah, no. Don’t let the door hit you on the way back to the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 97

Not sure what's going on here, but…

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 12:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm 58 years-old, and the 40 year-old woman I'm sleeping with is so tight that she "spits me out" every time she has an orgasm. I have to work it back in at least 5 times every time we get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 389

Snooping

By Anonymous - 16/10/2024 19:30 - India - Bhubaneswar

Today, I was forced to use Egspy on my wife's iPhone. She is going out with a colleague in exchange for getting her promotion approved. I've never had any hints or doubts, but it seems she's having illicit relations with multiple colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 136

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The Top

Today, I'm in the same city as my boyfriend for the first time in two months. My body apparently did not like the idea of me having sex again, as I promptly got a UTI and then the week-long breakthrough bleeding that antibiotics often cause me. The same thing happened the week before he had to move, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 184

Today, after the seventh morning in a row where my son threw a fit because he wanted to wear summer clothes, I put him in shorts and a tank top and put him outside. He got the message and changed into long sleeves and pants. Ten minutes later, cops pull up. My nosy neighbor called CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 87

The Top

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 189

You deserved it 46 111

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 1 330

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 609

You deserved it 14 343

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 963

You deserved it 32 716

Today, well into my second year at university, I still haven't made a single friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 310

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 532

You deserved it 23 317