Shopping

It's a match!

By Ren - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Medina

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 628

You deserved it 5 781

Lost

By Sam - 17/11/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my mom was on the phone while we went grocery shopping. Apparently, her phone call was more important because she just left me stranded in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 80

Never going back

By Anonymous - 14/11/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I had to awkwardly stand next to my ex in a grocery store because our self-checkout machines froze at the same time. Our break up was quite acrimonious so we both tried to play it cool while the attendant came to fix them. They took their fucking time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 104

Get me out of this time loop!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 03:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I ran into an old friend at the grocery store and told them, "Let’s catch up soon!" We then ran into each other in every single aisle. It got awkwarder and awkwarder, and by the fifth time I was pretty sure neither of us wanted to see the other ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 132

Trashed

By Millie07 - 07/11/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I was walking to my car after grocery shopping when I dropped my heavy-ass bag, which then ripped. Everything spilled out, and while I was picking it up, a kind stranger ran over to help me… by accidentally stepping on and smashing my carton of eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 81

Time to get chomping

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 22:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I ordered groceries online and thought I’d gotten a good deal on apples. I didn't notice they were sold individually, so now I have 36 apples sitting in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 395

Classic toddler moment

By Anonymous - 01/11/2024 03:00 - Ireland

Today, I took my very talkative toddler to a grocery store. As we passed a woman in an aisle, my kid pointed and said loudly, "Mummy, why does that lady have such a funny face?" I had to awkwardly apologize while my face went beet red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 88

All thumbs, no fingers

By Hassan - 23/10/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I was getting groceries and realized at checkout that I forgot my wallet. The cashier gave me a sympathetic look as I frantically tried to unlock my phone to pay with an app, and watched as I accidentally called my ex on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 269

Staircase wit at the checkout

By Anonymous - 21/10/2024 16:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 443

Nosy nitwit

By Paladin Rayjack - 17/10/2024 02:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, at the mall, I ran into a lost, crying little girl. It was my best friend's daughter. She recognized and clung on to me. As I called her dad, some nosy lady snatched her from me and caused a scene, screaming, "KIDNAPPER!" As I got apprehended, her claim was she heard me say, "If you still want to see her…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 71

Chill

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 444

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 24/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I walked into a glass door at a busy mall. Not only did I face-plant in front of a crowd, but I also left an almost perfect imprint of my face on the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 147

Supermarket sweep

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 72

Short Kings

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom - Hornsey

Today, I saw a display with a mirror that said, "You are made in God's image!" I'm too short to be able to see myself in said mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 67

Shady

By Anonymous - 03/09/2024 20:00 - Sweden

Today, after I ordered a pair of "one size fits all" leggings from a sketchy online store, they arrived. I eagerly tried them on only to discover they fit… but only one leg. Now, I’m stuck with what looks like a bizarre spandex leg warmer. The company doesn’t accept returns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 482

Spluttering and confused

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 20:00 - Ireland

Today, I was in a supermarket using the self-checkout. I tried to scan a loaf of bread, but it wouldn't register. After several attempts and increasing frustration, I slammed the loaf down on the scanner. The bread tore open, and seeds flew everywhere. An old woman behind me said, "Technology can be hard for the young, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 556

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 12:00 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I was at my usual grocery store when an elderly lady smiled at me and said, "It's so nice to see a young person not obsessed with their appearance." I was dressed in sweats, I hadn't showered, and hadn't brushed my hair. I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 351

Brain fog

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I walked out of the grocery store, loaded my bags into my car, then sat in the driver’s seat. I tried to start the engine, but the key wouldn’t turn. That’s when I noticed the child’s seat in the back, which I don’t have. I was in the wrong car, and the owner was standing outside, laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 190

Lose-lose situation

By suckerrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought a top, along with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 590

You deserved it 14 742

Minus one Karma

By Frasier - 10/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I lost my wallet while out shopping. Panicked, I retraced my steps and found it at a store, turned in by an employee. Grateful, I opened it to find a note that read, "We left the money but took one dollar for karma." I checked. They did actually take one dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 565

Adulting is tough

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 531

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 09/08/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping when I left my cart to grab an item. I returned, and started pushing the cart again. Halfway through the store, a furious lady confronted me, demanding her cart back. I had to walk back in shame to find my own actual cart, which was now nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 461

Never do this

By anon - 06/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Danbury

Today, at the local mini-mart, I saw an old friend from high school and decided to surprise her with a hug from behind. Turns out, it wasn't her. It was a complete stranger who screamed, then whacked me with her purse. Now I’m banned from the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 753

Women be shopping

By Krule - 04/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Redding

Today, I couldn't find my car in a mall parking lot. After 30 minutes of searching, I reported it stolen to the mall security. It turns out that I'd parked it on the opposite side of the mall. Security escorted me to my car, all while giving me pitiful looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 505

Off script

By Going hungry - 28/07/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 170

Stars of CCTV

By Anonymous - 07/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went grocery shopping and tried the self-checkout for the first time. I managed to scan everything except a bag of grapes, which I then dropped, causing them to scatter all over the floor. As I scrambled to pick them up, I slipped on a grape and fell flat on my back. The security footage must have been comedy gold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 129

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 208

Easy mistake

By Anonymous - 30/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally left the store with a bag full of groceries without paying. I realized this halfway to my car when an employee chased me down, thinking I was a thief. Turns out, I had spaced out and walked out during a fire alarm drill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 437

Weird old lady of the day

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 554

You deserved it 3 454

Flustered

By Anonymous - 21/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 110

Keywords

Awkward Lonely Love Party Transportation Cars ADHD Mental health Work Ironic Vacation Grandparents Accident Miscellaneous Kids Annoying Covid Health Shopping Cute Coworkers Dogs Animals Videos Art Photography Sex Intimacy Exhausted Money

The Top

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 407

You deserved it 3 021

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh." Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 759

You deserved it 4 465

The Top

Today, I went in for a doctor's appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 530

You deserved it 9 285

Today, my parents made me wake up at 7 a.m., like every morning. When I woke up exhausted, my mom rolled her eyes and said, "It’s called going to bed earlier." I went to bed at 10 p.m. last night. I fell asleep at 5 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 228

Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 716

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 232

You deserved it 14 982

Today, I told my sister I felt like her friends didn't like me, since they were ignoring my questions, opinions, etc., in the bridesmaids' chat, but were all over each other's messages. She kicked me from her bridal party, saying her friends wouldn't want me at the bridal shower and bachelorette party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 140

Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 151

You deserved it 1 960