Health

In shape

By Anonymous - 20/06/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I did a new exercise where you lie flat on your stomach and lift your legs. Despite easily lifting my legs into the air from my back, the muscles needed to do it from the other position are so pathetically weak that I could barely lift my legs a tenth of an inch off the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 129

Puberty sucks

By Anonymous - 19/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, and for the past week, I practiced my speech for the school debate team. Right as I started, my 14 year-old voice cracked so hard that the first sentence came out sounding like a startled goat. The judge tried not to laugh, but I spent the rest of the round fighting octave changes in my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 48

Help me out here

By Anonymous - 18/06/2026 22:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I finally saw a physical therapist for frequent right hip pain that was interfering with my sleep schedule and causing that specific area of my leg to atrophy from not using it as much. After doing all of the stretches, the pain doesn't seem to have improved, despite him recognizing what the problem was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 104

Yelling through it

By Anonymous - 16/06/2026 00:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 92

Ouchies

By Anonymous - 15/06/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 56

I'd give it ten minutes if I was you

By Anonymous - 15/06/2026 15:00 - United States - Carrollton

Today, I was stuck in a stiflingly hot port-a-potty for 30 minutes with the worst bowel issues ever due to food poisoning. To make things worse, the maintenance guy came two minutes in to drain the thing and had to wait outside till I was done, muttering angrily at me as I took the humiliating walk of shame to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 63

Power move

By Ow - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Golden Valley

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 569

You deserved it 60 207

No can do

By off - 11/06/2026 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my parents told me I have a bunch of chores to do today, no excuses. I have severe diarrhea and can’t leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 73

All fixed up

By Anonymous - 09/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, after I was wrapping up a visit with my chiropractor, I nearly fell off his table onto my face when I missed a handhold trying to push myself upright. After getting up, I then bumped into a poster on the wall, nearly knocking it onto the floor. At least the chiropractor had a good sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 85

Careful

By wowawesome - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 456

Why the secrecy?

By Anonymous - 08/06/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my wife kicked me out because I had a vasectomy behind her back. I'm 45 and we have five kids, three of whom have already left the nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 265

See you next week

By Anonymous - 07/06/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the dentist. Normally I walk out with no work to be done as he says my teeth are always great. I thought it was weird this time that he was scraping and pushing at my tooth when he usually doesn't. I'd walked in with a full set of teeth, walked out with a dentist-caused chipped tooth and a filling booked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 42

See you on the other side

By reallysick - 06/06/2026 20:00 - Belgium - Herentals

Today, I was feeling more and more sick, with significant pain in my abdomen. Nobody believed me, and my grandma told me to stop whinging and to eat something. I tried but started vomiting, and now I'm being rushed into surgery with an already necrotic appendix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 59

Abandoned

By Sickinbed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I saw that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 441

You deserved it 3 725

Do not attempt this at home

By Poopy - 02/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 484

Group solidarity

By Anonymous - 31/05/2026 00:00 - United States - Cicero

Today, I was in group therapy, talking about my disordered eating habits and suppressed appetite from meds, and how I've been struggling to eat. One group member, who was definitely not listening to me, suggested I try Zepbound because his mom is thinner than me and she uses it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 84

Assumptions

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied, "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied, "An eyebrow wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 533

You deserved it 40 451

You got this

By IsThatMe? - 30/05/2026 00:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, due to family, job, health, and pregnancy issues, I didn't dance in the past decade, but recently started doing my favourite classical dance again. In this decade, I've more than tripled in weight and can't recognise myself in the mirror or in videos. I'm still in a healthy BMI but feel so fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 179

Tight family unit

By Empathylevel0 - 29/05/2026 03:00 - Denmark

Today, after months of couple's therapy for a lack of empathy, I'm up for an operation in the butt, so I asked if he could take two days off work in the days following. He said no and suggested the first week of July. The second week of July I'll be going with our three children to a family sports camp for a week. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 84

Out of control

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my boyfriend because he decided to run over my foot with his new fancy bike. I think my foot's broken. We can't afford the bike, much less the ER bill with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 73

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, I walked to the grocery store despite being out of shape since it was typically only a 30 minute walk and gas prices are bad. The hourly temperature on my weather app was wrong as usual so by the time I got to the store, I was sweating buckets. By the time I got back home, I was so overheated I nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 143

Chemical balls

By Mac (29m) - 27/05/2026 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I'm aging, so it’s clear my ball skin has got more rough, and I can't even shave anymore without bad razor burn. Well, I tried Nair for the first time. My balls are now severely chemically burned and blistered. It was just 4 minutes of Nair! I was finally getting my sex drive back after a divorce, so I was trying to be ready just in case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 206

Body issues

By Anonymous - 27/05/2026 09:00 - South Africa - Brakpan

Today, while I'm in the depths of postpartum blues and insecurities, my grandmother in-law gifted me a size 22 pair of jeans that does not fit her. I'm a size 12. I started crying and fake choked so that nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 86

Make it stop

By MigrainesSuck - 26/05/2026 03:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, it's the third day of me having a migraine. I just want to kill myself. I've tried tablets, no screen for 20 hours, sleep, hydration, food and everything. If it were not for my loving husband and caring kids, I wouldn't hesitate to kill myself. This is a monthly routine now, one week out of order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 56

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2026 12:00 - United States - Center Line

Today, I got my mom (who is a diabetic) a set of sugar-free chocolates for Mother's Day. Everything was fine on that day, and my mom decided to share them since I bought a good sized box. I was perfectly fine, but my mom had explosive diarrhea for the rest of the day. I'll never buy THOSE again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 104

Hit the gym

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 865

You deserved it 3 303

Back to the 9 to 5

By Anonymous - 22/05/2026 12:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I got the biopsy results from a weird mole I had removed. It's completely harmless, and I have nothing to worry about. My first reaction was disappointment, because I'll have to keep going to work instead of starting cancer treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 291

It's the Final Countdown

By Mightytall - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had a very long wait at the doctor's. The three plastic plants in the waiting area have 163 leaves each, the patient information poster on the wall has 127 words, the longest word has 19 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 237

Hydrate

By Hannah - 21/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, after hard manual labor in the hot sun, I am extremely sore even at rest and my pee is the color of Coca Cola. I told my dad this and he told me to “buck the fuck up” and do more manual labor tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 142

Nice theory

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 886

You deserved it 2 464

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The Top

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 011

You deserved it 2 133

Today, my best friend of 12 years traveled cross country to help me recover from major surgery. I've been sitting in the hospital by myself while she has sex in my empty apartment with some guy she met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 681

You deserved it 499

Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t… FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 212

Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 156

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 293

You deserved it 261

Today, I was running a D&D game. I invited my nephew to come along to try and distract him, as his brother took his life two weeks ago. Stupidly, I had only skimmed through the module I was running (as I run multiple) and didn't realise that today's session involved gallows. Guess how his brother took his life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 330