Pregnancy

WTF dude?

By marriedlesbian - 12/02/2019 16:00

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 511

You deserved it 236

Crackers

By crazycrochetlady - 17/12/2018 20:00

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up 2 hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 238

You deserved it 272

By Toooldforthisshit - 09/12/2018 11:30 - United States - New London

Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 262

By Erica - 09/12/2018 13:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year-old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose "to prove that she’s responsible." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 523

You deserved it 697

I'm in hell

By GiveMeCake - 02/12/2018 22:00

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 923

You deserved it 265

By AlphaKappa - 12/07/2018 19:00

Today, my work is doing a legal investigation about whether they can avoid paying me maternity benefit. According to my sleazy boss, "You notified us too late." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 016

You deserved it 295

Not the expected outcome

By Thanksiguess - 19/02/2018 15:00

Today, I told my dad that I'm pregnant. He shook his head and said, sadly, "What a waste. You're way too young to throw your life away like this." Silly me; I was worried that at 46 I might be too old for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 997

You deserved it 401

By Heidi Jeanette - 14/11/2017 01:30

Today, I learned that my insatiable appetite and sex drive is because I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm married to a woman. We had a threesome one drunken night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 856

You deserved it 4 888

Looking forward to it

By OkieThePokie - 07/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found out that my unborn son has an abnormally large head. I have an abnormally small and narrow pelvis, and I'm allergic to local anesthetic, so no epidural or spinal for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 176

You deserved it 457

Nearly home

By clumsycat - 30/06/2017 15:54

Today, I thought my water had broken. I'd actually just peed myself when the baby moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 310

You deserved it 387

You have been warned

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 264

You deserved it 809

Assholes

By Third trimester - 26/05/2017 17:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 743

You deserved it 414

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 22:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 704

You deserved it 9 161

Netflix is a drug

By Alexandra - 08/12/2016 20:00 - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 250

You deserved it 1 050

Mystery

By Anonymous - 17/07/2016 14:51 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 812

You deserved it 1 981

Kinda sus behavior

By dumped and dusted - 13/07/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 525

You deserved it 1 987

And I oop

By porkers gonna pork :\ - 12/03/2016 15:09 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 841

You deserved it 6 366

Pregnancy woes

By Spraylady - 29/02/2016 21:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 323

You deserved it 1 784

By ishyboo - 27/02/2016 22:59 - United States - Baraboo

Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 305

You deserved it 28 943

But my grandbabiiiiiiiies

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 09:21 - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 021

You deserved it 1 643

Parting gift

By itchyyet - 03/01/2016 05:52 - Australia - Hawker

Today, a friend who visited me a week ago with "allergy rashes" told me that it's actually scabies, and she hopes I didn't catch it from her. It takes 2-6 weeks for the symptoms to show and I can't use the medication for it anyway because I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 779

You deserved it 1 521

No! Noooo!

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 01:59 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 955

You deserved it 1 956

Some girls are bigger than others

By pinkpurplegurl - 24/09/2015 14:33 - China

Today, while taking the subway home, a woman offered me her seat. I smiled and declined. She said she insisted because of my "pregnancy." I was too ashamed to say I wasn't pregnant, so I just took the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 086

You deserved it 4 035

My little girl

By I'm an adult! - 02/07/2015 19:16 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I moved out a few years ago, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 703

You deserved it 4 496

Barf

By sickatwokr - 30/06/2015 20:26 - Australia

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 950

You deserved it 1 871

Dude, step up your game

By happycow122 - 20/06/2015 20:54 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 105

You deserved it 20 420

By TKPhai - 05/04/2015 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 198

You deserved it 16 474

By whotouchedyou1 - 26/08/2014 02:37 - United States - Cypress

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 195

You deserved it 11 769

Think of the environment

By Anonyname - 18/05/2014 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody, and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned broodmare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 904

You deserved it 10 604

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The Top

Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 78

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple of stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 684

You deserved it 823

The Top

Today, I almost drowned in the ocean after being sucked into a rip current. When I finally managed to make it back to shore breathless from all the energy it took to get back, I looked down and my swimming trunks were gone. I was crawling on the ground naked in front of a hundred people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 209

You deserved it 4 593

Today, I forgot to clean up poop before a home inspection, so the inspector questioned me on why I had dried shit sitting on a table, with flies all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 2 017

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 169

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 490

You deserved it 6 109

Today, I walked in on my brother performing voodoo on a doll with my picture taped to its face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 177

You deserved it 4 921

Today, a wheelchair-bound kid in my study hall dropped one of his textbooks on the ground and he couldn't reach it. When I noticed, I stopped what I was doing to go pick it up for him. The problem is, he sits right in front of the door, so I got yelled at for "trying to leave class without permission." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 124