Intimacy: Bored - FML

Bored

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 11:44 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 408

You deserved it 7 272

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Time to shop

By Anon - 24/03/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I made my whole grocery list out in my head. While having sex with my fiancee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 461

First time

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 257

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 5 001

By PTKFML - 26/07/2009 04:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 806

You deserved it 7 619

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 181

You deserved it 4 856

A man without a plan

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 16:30

Today, I was going to surprise my partner with a romantic dinner, but when I got home I realized I had forgotten the main ingredient: the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 834

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 17:24 - United States - Newnan

Spicy

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 906

You deserved it 10 079

By Ouch - 14/07/2009 02:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 572

You deserved it 15 531

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 211

You deserved it 29 838

Barf

By Danielle - 25/10/2020 11:02

Spicy

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 189

Next

Top comments

tinker9107 1

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:20

Was it that boring ?

thisisafunnyname 12

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:39

Maybe instead of "get out more" you should say "get it in more"

Comments

43trauts 14

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:26

There's an endless array of sexual jokes that can be made here.

43trauts 14

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:28

Sausage tacos covered in bacon and gravy?

silentbutfunny 0

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:30

Fish?

jose1760 1

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:31

Oh... I think I'll make tuna for Ohhhh!

ICATiger 13

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:32

Dinner turn you on don't they.

maryam8869 7

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:32

Must have been a tasty sex

cysanleigh 13

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:33

Well, at least your not counting the bumps of spackling on your ceiling. You can at least say it was some what productive. We all want a good dinner right?

MikeDa1Da 14

Sunday 22 January 2012 21:20

You're*

Torch15 9

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:33

fish Dakotas anyone?

Torch15 9

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:35

fajitas* damn autocorrect

manatees_r_epic 0

Sunday 22 January 2012 21:47

Fish Dakotas are delicious.

sourspraykay 8

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:33

Jenna Marbles?

hotPinklipstick 24

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:58

I was thinking the same thing! Lol

MikeMikeTheAzn 3

Sunday 22 January 2012 19:34

Rice with soy bean and soy sauce. add in meat with fish and noodles. last but not least, invite an Asian.

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Clothes Miscellaneous Weird Underwear Dogs Animals Halloween Cute Fire Awkward Love First Dates Smells Scary Phobias Work Embarrassing Kids Shopping Health Friends Therapy Mental health Am I overreacting? AITA Birthday Poopoo peepee Thief Customers TV shows

The Top

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 670

You deserved it 3 280

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 170

You deserved it 9 471

The Top

Today, I went to a football sleepover with all of my teammates. I felt something near the bottom of my sleeping bag, and I pulled it up with my foot. My entire team watched me pull out a red thong. My parents had been on a camping trip the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 303

You deserved it 4 139

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 639

You deserved it 4 159

Today, I went onto the treadmill at my gym. When it prompted me to enter my age I put 27. I'm 29 and am lying about my age to a workout machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 734

You deserved it 38 814

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 983

You deserved it 6 824

Today, I was on hold with a company for so long that I was able to shower, clean my house, and was using the hold music to put my son to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 448

You deserved it 1 951

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I was shocked and confused as we use condoms and I'm on the pill. I confided in my friend, who guiltily confessed that her daughter swapped my pills for sugar pills and pinned through the rubbers to guarantee herself 5 more years of babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 939

You deserved it 747