Promoted! - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

Promoted!

By Worst Way To Get Promoted - 25/09/2019 16:00

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 099

You deserved it 166

April Pisces: Traps and Laughs
Laugh at the best (and worst) April 1st jokes. Watch out, you could be next! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Walk of Shame - 13/11/2018 22:00

Today, my boyfriend, who is also my boss, was giving me a blowjob at work. Halfway through, his boss knocked on the door and I had to quickly get dressed and slip out the other door. After leaving, I realized that I was still barefoot and I had to walk back to my desk in front of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 6 047

Quite the handful

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 026

You deserved it 3 888

By Da Boss - 05/10/2016 01:19 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I'm now his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 947

You deserved it 1 926

By KN - 25/06/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 893

You deserved it 12 556

By fired - 23/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 228

You deserved it 65 535

By teaspoonzz - 25/10/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 657

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 00:11 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 080

You deserved it 2 212

By bossgroper - 23/07/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 945

You deserved it 5 524

Weird guy

By thinkimquitting - 25/06/2012 21:49 - Australia - Yarraville

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 246

You deserved it 2 585

Hello there

By My eyes were on the prize - 12/03/2017 00:00

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 172

You deserved it 1 121

Next

Top comments

ViviMage 39

Wednesday 25 September 2019 16:15

Plzdonttouchmekthanxbi

Dr_Alex 10

Wednesday 25 September 2019 21:21

Please, tell me you smelled soap.... Lots of soap.

Comments

ViviMage 39

Wednesday 25 September 2019 16:15

Plzdonttouchmekthanxbi

AmbrosiaFan 18

Wednesday 25 September 2019 17:49

He needs reported...

JasonThorn 20

Wednesday 25 September 2019 18:27

Indeed. And OP needs to wash their face with bleach, then follow up on the report, because if they don't report, the boss now owns them.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 25 September 2019 18:09

First, I hope he washed his hands after he nutted. Also, is the next job title in your career path "Fluff Girl?"

Zanquis 22

Thursday 26 September 2019 12:26

Fluff guy, well can you imagine the promotion if he offered a helping hand?

Talented73 54

Wednesday 25 September 2019 21:12

I hope he washed his hands.

Dr_Alex 10

Wednesday 25 September 2019 21:21

Please, tell me you smelled soap.... Lots of soap.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

AITA Love Poopoo peepee Kids Miscellaneous Weird Health Cats Embarrassing Keys Landlords Break-ups Awkward Relatable Cooking Food Grandparents Technology Pranks Cute Gross Smells Argument Social Media Teachers Parents Work Frustration Death Parenting

The Top

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 897

You deserved it 223

Today, six days before I turn 18, my mom totaled her nice BMW. She had promised it to me as a birthday present. My step-dad is giving me his old rusty truck instead, so now I can look like a hick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 578

The Top

Today, my boss screamed at me for almost an hour because, apparently, I hurt my coworker's feelings when I stopped speaking to her after finding out that she was sleeping with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 685

You deserved it 2 750

Today, my ex messaged me on Facebook, wanting to be friends with benefits. I’m married now, and he just found out his wife is expecting. She discovered the messages, and I’m now the “home wrecker.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 107

Today, my boss finally worked out that by not giving the lads a pay rise to £18 an hour, instead just offering them overtime when necessary, it actually cost the equivalent of raising each employees salary to £26 an hour, for a whole year. He’s is blaming me because I issue the pay checks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 86

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 473

You deserved it 4 087

Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 670

You deserved it 198

Today, my psychologist canceled our appointment due to Covid. I'm a mess and was looking forward to our meeting, it's the only constant thing in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 200