Sex, Awkward and Birds: Repetition

Repetition

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 03:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 414

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Same thing different taste

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 092

You deserved it 5 622

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 2 763

Beginner

By madzlovesgee - 16/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 874

You deserved it 53 383

Call me by my name

By Tim Scotten - 18/05/2021 06:01

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Her new nickname for me is "Mr. Breakfast Sausage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 245

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 422

You deserved it 4 625

Who knows?

By Anonymous - 08/02/2014 18:49 - United States

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 774

You deserved it 11 077

By Anonymous - 19/04/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 678

You deserved it 9 736

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 096

You deserved it 5 864

By facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 424

You deserved it 4 386

By Partners - 22/06/2015 19:55 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 817

You deserved it 3 403

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Monday 25 July 2022 0:53

How many times did you make your boyfriend repeat himself?

KaRaBeAr24 11

Monday 25 July 2022 5:57

He would have asked to “eat your pussy” so why is the bird saying eat MY pussy? 🤔

Comments

sarsuela 29

Sunday 24 July 2022 11:38

Get yourself a cat.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 24 July 2022 23:35

At least he didnt ask if he could "toss my salad"!

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Monday 25 July 2022 0:53

How many times did you make your boyfriend repeat himself?

KaRaBeAr24 11

Monday 25 July 2022 5:57

He would have asked to “eat your pussy” so why is the bird saying eat MY pussy? 🤔

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 049

You deserved it 21 145

Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 215

You deserved it 14 071

The Top

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 730

You deserved it 3 894

Today, I was yet again denied food stamps. They think I make $1000 a week with only 25 hours a week. Each time I have to apply, they say, "We get that number from your pay stubs." They don't understand that those are four separate weeks. I'm sure it's illogical for a part time bagger to make $40 an hour before taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 119

Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of a conversation with my best friend, where we were making fun of my mum’s new haircut, to my mum. She responded with, “Well, at least my haircut can change. What are you going to do about your face?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 814

Today, as always, I had to change clothes and reapply my deodorant as soon as I got to work. It’s only a kilometre walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 126

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 244

You deserved it 762

Today, I was using the elliptical when I got a bad wedgie. All the ellipticals are up against a wall so after trying to pick it, I finally decided to just pull down the back of my pants and underwear. I then remembered there was a window to a yoga class behind me. I mooned them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 421

You deserved it 57 495