Intimacy: Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get...

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By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 439

You deserved it 1 131

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Same thing different taste

Classy dude

By tw@ - 28/09/2014 15:30 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 915

You deserved it 4 889

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 136

You deserved it 2 680

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 092

You deserved it 3 090

By Ugh - 15/02/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husband's rather rattling snoring, I finally managed to drop off… only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 825

You deserved it 3 870

By Shenza - 17/06/2012 12:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 855

You deserved it 3 024

By BlueBallMcGee - 11/05/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 776

You deserved it 7 044

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 143

You deserved it 1 156

By Married Life 101 - 16/05/2019 02:41

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 579

You deserved it 250

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 085

You deserved it 64 049

By Madmanmorton - 16/06/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 151

You deserved it 47 318

emeraldarcher74 30

Saturday 8 October 2016 7:04

If that isn't true love, I don't know what is.

roaf 13

Saturday 8 October 2016 7:02

When a hand isn't enough so you need a leg

Comments

qteabutt 12

Saturday 8 October 2016 8:44

Sounds like he turns into a dog when he's drunk.

teyyoshi 19

Saturday 8 October 2016 10:14

wow，doggie style？

kutkutkut 8

Saturday 8 October 2016 10:32

Nobody's getting anything.

_EnderDoge 22

Saturday 8 October 2016 14:40

"I hope you mean EX-Husband!"

trucker2 33

Saturday 8 October 2016 16:02

Stop bragging OP it's inconsiderate to the people who don't get no action at all.

interesting33 36

Saturday 8 October 2016 20:14

HOW can they get away with making people work 24 our shifts?

limeychefboy 15

Saturday 8 October 2016 21:23

Pretty sure a 24 hour shift is illegal outside of slavery

juuuliaaa_fml 26

Sunday 9 October 2016 6:36

What job are you doing that has 24 hour shifts?!

Zellient 11

Sunday 9 October 2016 7:39

Sounds like puppy love

Birdie27 11

Sunday 9 October 2016 15:05

Firefighters work 24 hour shifts where I live. They can sleep at the station if its a slow night, but sometimes they are too busy.

PenguinsLaugh 24

Sunday 9 October 2016 23:22

ER doctors and nurses also work 24 hr shifts in many places.

traumajunkie2519 7

Monday 10 October 2016 8:55

Paramedics work 48 and 72 hour shifts

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 27 988

You deserved it 8 592

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

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You deserved it 6 740

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 19 934

You deserved it 30 149

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I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 148

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me out after I spelt "realised" with an S instead of a Z. It wouldn't have been so bad, if we weren't both British, if he hadn't called me an "illiterate idiot", and if he hadn't muttered "family of morons" when my mum backed me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 269

You deserved it 4 872

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 114

You deserved it 46 676

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 716

You deserved it 3 628

Today, as part of my grandad's great struggle to return to the 1960's, he tried to refuse a lifesaving blood transfusion until the nurse could confirm the blood hadn't been donated by anyone who was black, brown, chinese or asian, and so on. My dad is black and I'm half black, so I suspect he doesn't like me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 120

Same thing different taste

Classy dude

Wait for the hangover

Giving

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