It's basically a common rule now that every FML about any liquid involves someone spilling it all over something else. XD

I once had a burning sensation in my nethers from shifting gears while I had my coffee between my legs. Third degree burns on the junk will definitely kill your sex life. I feel for you OP. Walk softly and carry a big ice pack...not for real, don't use ice on burns.

At least it did the job! Just not in the way you expected it. The world works in mysterious ways my friend.

Now you have discovered the secret.

Its still coffee itself causing the pain :3

Glad you found a new morning routine OP, caffeine can be dangerous.

Therefore, you should sue McDonald's.

It could be worse - it could have been McD's coffee superheated far beyond regulation temperatures resulting in massive burns that fused your junk shut and resulted in agonizing pain that you would experience for the rest of your life while the world mocks you for being a stupid greedy moneydigger when all you want is for your medical bills to be paid.

But the coffee is the liquid so, the coffee did wake you up as much as the liquid because they are the same thing.

"Privates"