Intimacy: Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband...

By H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 638

You deserved it 54 189

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 7 831

By noname1025 - 04/09/2012 16:44 - United States - Lamar

Today, I realized my husband and I have been fighting a lot lately, so to show him how much I care, I got a tattoo with his name on it. He hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 612

You deserved it 54 177

Deep ink

By Wanderlei Santos - 09/07/2020 14:03

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 107

Jumping the gun

By Kelsie - 26/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 979

Grossed out

By anne - 07/01/2016 12:00 - Germany

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 214

You deserved it 4 811

By branded - 14/05/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo symbolising my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 60 629

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 357

Nice mental image

By Maggie - 17/03/2020 17:00

Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 341

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 320

You deserved it 49 717

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 079

You deserved it 12 601

nasek718 2

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:18

Iguess this is a FMA not FML

soccerguy77 0

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:03

negotiation buttseks??:O

Comments

shannon2348 14

Monday 27 January 2020 5:00

No you really didnt. You're a grown woman and if you want a tattoo ******* go get one. You don't need his permission. ydi

randybryant799 20

Sunday 9 January 2022 2:07

He's your husband. Not your daddy. You do not need his permission to get a tattoo. That's absurd.

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 3 940

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 537

The Top

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 411

You deserved it 1 032

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 922

You deserved it 2 961

Today, I’m pet-sitting for my parents while they’re on vacation. So far, one cat has projectile vomited all over the living room, and another has pooped in their bed. Twice. My parents were not concerned when I called, and said this is normal behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 833

You deserved it 296

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 426

You deserved it 5 406

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 334

You deserved it 7 350

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 379