Sleep

Knackered

By Phil - 14/10/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep on the bus after a long day. I woke up to the driver nudging me, saying, "End of the line, mate." I had no idea where I was, and it was raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 133

Recruitement hell

By nocanhaz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 886

You deserved it 50 451

It's a doggy dog world

By Tom - 02/10/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - Zoetermeer

Today, it's been two years since I got a Dobermann as a gift for my husband. For two years he has cried non-stop, constantly played with his privates, reeked of dead corpse, and used shit to mark the entire yard. He cries all night long. I haven’t slept in two years. I think I have sleep deprivation. My husband says he must stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 485

My brain hates me

By This is a nightmare - 17/09/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my anxiety decided to play a new trick: When I'm trying to go to sleep, I get anxious about having nightmares. It sure does wonders for my insomnia, which I've otherwise completely controlled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 85

Short nap

By Anonymous - 10/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 118

Seek help

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and ever since his parents died in a crash, my husband is so petrified of his own eventual death that he's determined not to waste any time, even on sleep, and now only allows himself one REM cycle of sleep per night, around 90 minutes. He’s falling apart and refuses to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 76

Sleep cycles

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 08:00 - United States - Washington

Today, my roommate gets up at 3:30am for work and wakes me up each time. I try not to complain about it, but whenever I come back to the apartment at midnight, she gets mad that I woke her up. I told her that she wakes me up in the morning, but apparently that’s different because she’s going to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 133

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I took a quick nap in my car during my lunch break. I'd set an alarm but forgot to turn my car off, having switched the AC on due to the blistering heat. The cool air lulled me to sleep. When I woke up, my boss was knocking on my window. Apparently, I'd knocked the car into neutral and it had rolled into his parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 531

Astronomical

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, my phone alarm went off at 3 AM. I don't remember setting it, but it turns out I'd somehow activated an old "Wake up for a meteor shower" reminder. Despite it being the wrong day by months, I got up, looked outside, and only then did my brain kick into gear and I realized it was set for the wrong date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 182

My body is a temple

By My body hates me - 20/07/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, thanks to my eating habits as of late, I went half the day without getting hungry. I ultimately figured out this just happens sometimes, so I didn't worry. However, as soon as I crawled into bed, I got hungry. I now have two options: I can either stay awake from hunger, or stay awake from eating too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 217

Insomnia tip

By pull my finger - 30/06/2024 10:00 - United States - Asheville

Today, as I sometimes do, I laid in bed at night rating my farts as I couldn't sleep. I'm a 53 year-old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 233

Get up!

By Anonymous - 26/05/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 286

Get lost

By Anonymous - 28/04/2024 15:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had to spend at least 30 minutes, at 3 in the morning, shooting BBs at a mateless whip-poor-will to scare it off so I could sleep. It was making noise in a tree right outside my window. I feel for you my dude, but you're doing the equivalent of drunk texting an ex and crying into your beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 386

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 100

Two holes

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 03:00 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, my cat woke me up at 12 AM. After I told her to chill, I realized the mattress needed some air. Inflating it didn't work so I looked for the puncture wound. While trying to find a hot glue stick to patch it with, I got a thin shard of glass in my foot, which broke while I tried to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 108

Sorry!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 14:00

Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 105

Too knackered to function

By Anonymous - 14/01/2024 00:00 - Germany

Today, as always, I have a built-in alarm clock: 6-7 hours after going to sleep, I will automatically wake up and easily stay awake. This would be quite handy, except for one annoying detail: I need at least 9 hours of sleep in order to be able to function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 151

The gift

By Anonymous - 15/12/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 171

Cycles

By Anonymous - 12/11/2023 04:00 - Germany

Today, I hate sleeping late because then the day will be over like 9 hours after I get up. Turns out, though, if I get up real early, it’s me who'll be over after about 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 132

Let me sleep

By jadei - 06/11/2023 09:00

Today, it's been a week since my dad told me I’m no longer allowed to put my phone on do not disturb when I sleep, and a scam caller woke me up at 7 am. I’ve had a serious migraine ever since because waking up early triggers my migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 140

Fright night

By Anonyme - 04/11/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom - Cheddleton

Today, I couldn’t sleep because the hall light was too bright. Someone left their room; I waited for them to return so we wouldn’t cross paths. I got up and went for the light, only to find them peeing naked with the door open. In a panic I flipped any switch, which made the hall brighter, then ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 130

Satisfaction

By thacupcakeassassin - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Shippensburg

Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 070

You deserved it 1 747

The bookmaker always wins

By Jeremy - 19/10/2023 14:00 - Australia

Today, I set aside some time to take a power nap at my desk. I set an alarm, but it didn't go off. I woke up hours later to find my coworkers had surrounded my desk, taking bets on when I'd wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 739

Spooky

By early grave - 17/10/2023 02:30

Today, I discovered that I am going to the store, buying junk food, and eating it almost every night… entirely in my sleep. So much for being healthy and not dying in my forties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 197

Late night

By Ring a ding ding - 15/10/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, because my room was cold as ice, I couldn't sleep in there, so I went to my living room. It was at that moment that I realized just how bad my tinnitus is when I don't have my fan or any other form of constant noise to drown it out. I couldn't stop focusing on it, so I remained awake all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 121

Why now?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 15:00 - United States - Lufkin

Today, it took me 2 hours to get my toddler to sleep. Just after I got him down, my mom woke him up by banging my pots and pans around in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 124

Knackered

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom - Altrincham

Today, I got home after working 14 hours completely exhausted and found my wife asleep, after not sleeping for at least 4 nights with our newborn. She woke up and couldn’t remember where she'd left the baby. After a mad panic, she remembered that he's with her mother. We are not coping very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 161

Desperate measures

By dying - 29/09/2023 00:02

Today, after four days without sleep, I took an entire bottle of melatonin gummies. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 191

Stable

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 04:00 - United States - Asheboro

Today, after I bought a bedframe a few days ago that was up for sale with a sign next to it that said "The best you can ever find! Very supportive and stable!" guess what happened? It shattered into small splinters. I’m literally underweight, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 130

Alexa, play "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode

By Dog PTSD - 12/09/2023 08:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my roommate finally moved out yesterday, so I got to experience my first night without the ticking time bomb that is his dogs. I still woke up at the exact time when they would always bark for no reason, apparently out of habit. For the record, that time is around 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 98

Keywords

Embarrassing Transportation Cars Relatable Work Mental health Awkward Am I overreacting? Love Social Media AITA Family Annoying Sex Intimacy Coworkers Poopoo peepee Health Dentist Dogs Animals Sleep Cute Shopping My ex Cats Clothes Job interview Miscellaneous Weird

The Top

Today my boyfriend of one year dumped me. When I started crying, he said, “Want to know something that will make you hate me so you won’t be so sad?” and then told me he’s been cheating on me with multiple women, the entire time we’ve been dating. He thought that would comfort me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 605

You deserved it 207

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 973

You deserved it 4 287

The Top

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw a cop come up behind me. Nervous about my expired license, I kept checking in my rear view mirror. In turn since I wasn't paying attention, I ran a stop sign. Needless to say the cop pulled me over and gave me 2 tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 563

You deserved it 68 110

Today, I found out that my overprotective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 411

You deserved it 4 669

Today, being incredibly ill after my second COVID shot, I called in sick for maybe the third time in 10 years (I teach). That didn’t stop parents from calling and messaging to scream at me because they weren’t happy. I had to drag myself out of bed and do work in between throwing up. I feel even worse now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 208

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 2 676

Today, my date took nearly 10 minutes to get an erection, had to be shown where the entrance to my vagina was, since he kept missing it and poking me in the thigh, he orgasmed after only 3 thrusts, fell asleep straight away, then an hour later had the nerve to ask if I’d had fun too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 597

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 043

You deserved it 5 155