Kids: Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter...

By bodhimae - 03/05/2009 07:15 - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 095

You deserved it 2 375

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Same thing different taste

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 13 632

By Bailey - 05/04/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 470

You deserved it 6 724

Coming through

By Anonymous - 09/08/2023 18:00

Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 187

React content

By fmlfmlfml - 02/06/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 959

You deserved it 252 003

By icanthearyou - 04/04/2013 23:55 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 085

You deserved it 4 012

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 11:18 - United States

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 904

You deserved it 3 243

Sorry!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 14:00

Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 105

What's up doc?

By fml - 29/07/2012 12:20 - Japan - Koshigaya

Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 682

You deserved it 5 852

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 562

You deserved it 3 442

Have a baby they said, it'll be fun they said

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 072

You deserved it 3 961

Sourcow 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 17:59

She's gonna make a great mom :)

Some___Guy 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 22:48

The last sentence is great!

Comments

Sourcow 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 17:59

She's gonna make a great mom :)

SokDek 14

Monday 5 July 2010 16:56

hahah... kids will be kids...

tWitt3rBuG 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 18:27

Hmmm, potential doctor? L0l

tinkerbell1357 0

Thursday 4 March 2010 15:27

aww she must be adorable cuz she sure is bad!!!

marrrrgo 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 18:31

hahahah awwww

H3avy 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 19:06

lol

KwitIt 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 19:34

Ohhhhhh no! See a doctor right away and keep stabby things out of her reach! Lol!

Metzler31 17

Sunday 31 January 2010 18:19

stabby things? lol

AJComix 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 20:23

The solution is, BBQ. Menu? One toddler.

marcosfml15 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 22:21

perfect.

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

Sunday 8 August 2010 7:42

baby back ribs anyone? (Lame puns RULE!)

RavuAlHemio 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 20:25

YDI for having had a kid.

Some___Guy 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 22:48

The last sentence is great!

ditlihi 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:51

WTF man? Was there like blood coming out your ear, too? OMG!!!!

Stacia 0

Friday 29 May 2009 17:47

FYL, but where was her mother? Wasn't she watching her if you were napping?

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The Top

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 251

You deserved it 207

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 836

You deserved it 442

The Top

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 918

You deserved it 35 962

Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 836

You deserved it 4 672

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 610

You deserved it 8 951

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 457

You deserved it 4 020

Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 392

You deserved it 3 876

Today, a big crab at the beach got hold of my headphones and wouldn’t let go. Rather than wait and try to tease them free, my husband just grabbed the crab and ripped the claw off its body. The man has no patience or respect for other living things at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 382