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Top comments
Comments
That should be easy to clarify? Just say that.
Dig a grave out in the back yard and inform your lynch mob that someone poisoned your dog's food. Tell them a detective should be knocking on their door soon in accordance with the list you gave him.
What's wrong with your neighbors? They form a mob when a dog barks?
"I'm sorry guys, right after Tonya (or whatever name you want to use) died, I have been so lonely. So I did something that I don't usually do, I went to drink my sorrows away at the Neon Moon (or a similar country song), and I brought home a woman. After some talking and crying things got and heavy. The point of the story is she told me her and her husband liked to role play as animals, dogs, cats, chickens etc... Her husband died in a tragic accident and she hasn't role played since. Needless to say I was the " bad dog" and she was the upset owner. Also your newspaper might be missing, I peed the carpet." If that doesn't work OP, time to move.
Keywords
The neighbours must be barking mad if they think you have a dog.
Bark at them like it were you all the time.