Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been...

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By sweetjulie - 11/07/2019 18:00

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 298

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Same thing different taste

Weird kid

By maria lucia - 05/04/2021 21:30

Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 208

By crzyry - 23/02/2012 03:49 - Canada

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 661

You deserved it 3 134

Drugs

By madela - 28/10/2020 07:56

Today, my daughter admitted that she sometimes forgets her own name upon waking. She’s 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 151

By llozano715 - 13/09/2010 05:41 - France

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 183

You deserved it 4 819

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 264

You deserved it 532

Stranger danger

By anniethemoth - 15/07/2022 16:00

Today, my five-year-old daughter is absolutely miserable and constantly putting herself down, as she has been for a week. What happened a week ago? She bumped into a stranger at Walmart, apologized, and the guy told her, “Nope, not good enough. You need to die.” Who says that to a child? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 13/09/2016 02:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 year-old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 780

You deserved it 2 859

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 448

You deserved it 16 966

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 458

You deserved it 4 494

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 06:06 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 536

You deserved it 6 386

bluhbluhbluh 14

Thursday 11 July 2019 21:29

That is honestly quite delightful

Kyle Reagan 11

Thursday 11 July 2019 23:00

Is her real name Mercedes?

Comments

bluhbluhbluh 14

Thursday 11 July 2019 21:29

That is honestly quite delightful

Kyle Reagan 11

Thursday 11 July 2019 23:00

Is her real name Mercedes?

mssileas 25

Friday 12 July 2019 8:21

That sounds like the opposite of an FML moment. Try again when she's 15 :)

Kristoffer 35

Saturday 13 July 2019 5:11

Your kid is funny and you should be proud.

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The Top

Today, I realised I had a bad month. Last week, I threw out my back; the week before, my girlfriend got a cold sore; this week, I got chickenpox at the ripe age of 31 years. When I went to bed last night, I found my girlfriend sound asleep with her vibrator in one hand. We haven't had sex for so long, I can't even blame her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 263

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 576

You deserved it 5 054

The Top

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 649

You deserved it 41 511

Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 304

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 699

You deserved it 16 483

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 752

You deserved it 2 156

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own, and where I work. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 896

You deserved it 10 501

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 017

You deserved it 1 211

Same thing different taste

Weird kid

Drugs

Stranger danger

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