By longlongwinter - 05/12/2013 16:50 - United Kingdom - Southampton
longlongwinter tells us more.
Thank you for all your comments, it made me laugh for the first time in a week. Answering your questions, she's 67, in good health, and apart from a bad knee and weak bladder, she'll be around for many years, living independently. Her family is full of centenarians (FML again). She's neither senile nor mentally ill, but she came from an European aristocratic family (technically, she's a baroness), grew up with 12 personal servants, married into a very wealthy - but plebeian - family, and together they squandered every little penny they had. She divorced and had to raise three kids on her own, in relative poverty (one servant is not enough), had to work for a living (how shameful!), and poured all her frustration and bitterness on us. Of her three kids, the one that lives closest to her is 5000 miles away. I confronted her many times on what she thinks about that, if she says that it's wonderful, because she can travel more. She insists on spend three months with each of us, and three months on her city. We have no choice but to oblige, otherwise she manages to make our lives even more hellish. She got to the point of denouncing my brother-in-law for an nonexistent domestic violence episode to the police, from 8000 miles away. She does not have pure evil intent in her actions. The thing is, the only thing she's interested in is herself and her reputation. She doesn't care for our stuff, our lives or our emotions, she doesn't pay attention to anyone (she called her sister on Skype while I was talking to her), and the only thing that grabs her attention is gossip, so she can start blabbing how much better than the others she is. She's just a vain and vacuous self-absorbed ex-rich girl that happened to get old. Think Paris Hilton. For those saying that I should kiss her feet because she carried me for nine months and suffered for my birth, here it goes: she demanded a general anesthetic for all births, had a boob job and a tummy tuck on the same surgery I was born, and only saw me when I was a month old. She only turned into a hands-on mother when she got flat broke and had to fire the nannies. But no worries. I made sure for her that this is my home, so my rules apply. She's trying to behave. Oh, my husband is a saint with infinite patience, and excuses her for everything. And my mother-in-law is the best person I've ever met, and compensated for all the hurt my mother inflicted. :)
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I'm all for looking after your family but that's just not on! You have to tell her that if she stays she needs to be more considerate. Although it's a reversal of roles, this time it's your house and your rules!
Time to tell her to go
Don't let her stay. It may seem harsh, but she sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant person. You don't have any obligations to anybody who treats you badly, not even family members. All of those things you describe could have been accidents, in which case that's unfortunate, but since you describe her as "wicked", I guess there's more to this than her just being old and forgetful. If she really is nasty, then you don't have to have her in your house.
It's your house. Give her rules. And if she can't follow them then tell her to get out.
You pay the bills, you make the rules.
If she can't live by a reasonable standard, she has to go
You might want to review your homeowner's insurance policy. After finding out that it's useless for this case, go on to Craigslist to find a hitman to fix your troubles;)
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It's your house and your family. Set some ground rules for her, or tell her to leave.
Well at least you sound like you turned out better than she did. Glad you're laying out the ground rules and she's trying to comply. I don't think I could stand being raised like that if I were growing up. I know my family irritates me but they get me through some rough times. Good luck to you for the next three months.