Intimacy: Today, I have to clear up after an orgy from last night. That...

By Frustrated - 19/04/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have to clear up after an orgy from last night. That would be bad enough, but I spent weeks arranging it, supplied the venue and everything else, and I was the only guy not to get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 660

You deserved it 2 357

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

anon430 20

Thursday 19 April 2018 5:26

You arranged an entire orgy to get laid? Now that is dedication!

ChakatBlackstar 29

Thursday 19 April 2018 6:15

It's very rare to get an FML this ironic, seeing as not getting f***ed was the problem.

Comments

Rabite 28

Thursday 19 April 2018 15:20

New job possibility "orgy planner"!

shutupheart 11

Thursday 19 April 2018 15:37

Every orgy needs a witness... and baby wipes 😉

DoctorPhil 8

Thursday 19 April 2018 16:31

I say you deserve it. how the hell are you going to arrange all of that and not even get any?

DanielleinDC 33

Thursday 19 April 2018 17:17

I'm tempted to say you deserve it for not getting help planning, setting up, and cleaning, but I'll be nice and say your life does suck.

Ciara Koch 22

Friday 20 April 2018 6:50

Lol Like he doesn’t need insult to injury this is the only fml I can vote on

Ciara Koch 22

Friday 20 April 2018 6:51

Only fml I can’t vote on lol if he doesn’t need insult to injury

QueenAfrodite 8

Friday 27 July 2018 19:03

Awwwwww man that definitely sucks. How does that even go down like that lol. Fyl dude. Just majorly fyl

Keywords

Christmas You're fired Work Love AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Health Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Sex Intimacy Lonely Holidays Bosses

The Top

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 194

Today, I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going on a family trip to Disneyland. Less than two hours in the park, my kids have been scared shitless by every single character, they don’t want to ride any rides, my husband is drunk, and the mouse ears headband gave me a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 151

You deserved it 361

The Top

Today, my girlfriend works for a company that cleans VRBOs, so while she went to see family for a week, I asked her coworkers to come clean while she was gone, even the owner of the company showed up, They deep-cleaned house, but when she got home I got yelled at for a dirty coffee mug on my desk. The coffee was still warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 118

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 702

You deserved it 2 705

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 627

You deserved it 5 822

Today, I was going through my Facebook feed when I saw a post of a man being wheeled to the emergency room with a spider stuck in their ear. The post has me scared enough to want to sleep with earplugs. I'm a 37 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 136

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 784

You deserved it 1 390

Today, I went for a long hike in the woods, just me and my best friend, a Tibetan Mastiff called Flea. While trying to take a selfie with a beautiful view as a backdrop, I tripped over one of her huge paws, rolled down a hill, and landed in a pile of what I hope was just mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 268