Scary

Freaked out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 077

You deserved it 12 813

There's a time and a place

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we are having work done and our chimney breast has a hole where a brick is missing. Well, my husband thought it would be funny to rig up some realistic spider leg things that would poke out of the hole next to my face. I had to wash the sofa cushion because I pissed myself from fright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 97

Podcasters need to be stopped

By Anonymous - 03/11/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was listening to a true-crime podcast while taking a shower. Right as the narrator said, “And then he heard a loud bang,” my shampoo bottle fell off the ledge with a loud thud. I screamed so loudly, I apparently scared my neighbours, who banged on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 313

Jump scare

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 051

You deserved it 14 019

Keep your chill

By Anna - 01/11/2024 15:00 - United States - Reno

Today, I walked into my boss’s office for a serious meeting. While I was talking, I felt something on my arm, looked down, and realized it was a giant spider crawling up my sleeve. I tried to casually shake it off without screaming, but I just ended up doing a bizarre, silent dance in front of my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 79

Spooked

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 253

OK, it's spooky season, but come on…

By Anonymous - 19/10/2024 15:00

Today, back when my son had an imaginary friend at 3 years-old it was cute; when he was 7 it was concerning; now he’s 15, still talks to him, and is refusing to see a therapist, even though I’m genuinely scared, it’s a thin line between imaginary friends and hearing voices in your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 104

New roommate?

By Anonymous - 23/09/2024 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, I walked into my kitchen to find a pigeon sitting on my stovetop. I live in a completely sealed apartment on the 12th floor of a NYC apartment building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 71

Spooked

By Marina - 20/09/2024 06:00 - Australia

Today, I was FaceTiming with my mum when she interrupted me to ask who 'the man behind me' was. I live alone, so I had a bit of a jump scare moment. She was so proud of her 'hilarious' prank, her laugh still haunts me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 83

Unwelcome home

By Bee Quarantine - 10/09/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, there is a wasp nest right next to my front door. To exit the house safely, I have to use the back door and carefully sneak over to the car. Alternatively, I can just walk everywhere. Or I can become a shut-in, but I don't think I'd last long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 165

Never going outside again

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 578

Chilling

By BondingTime - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 364

You deserved it 4 206

The fear

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I was going through my Facebook feed when I saw a post of a man being wheeled to the emergency room with a spider stuck in their ear. The post has me scared enough to want to sleep with earplugs. I'm a 37 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 135

Big baby

By pansypup - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 065

You deserved it 2 326

New, from Goop

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 680

You deserved it 3 936

No one messes with Ben and/or Jerry

By Keith - 07/08/2024 22:00 - Ireland

Today, I was instructed to tell my niece a bedtime story, so I made up a story where they come down to Earth and steal all the ice cream. Suddenly, she burst into tears and ran to her mom, screaming, "The aliens are coming! Save the ice cream!" Now, I'm banned from bedtime storytelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 218

Paranoid

By rockefoe - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 33 808

Get this off me!

By lovebuglovebirds - 08/07/2024 18:00 - United States - Johnson City

Today, as I was breastfeeding my daughter, I looked over and there was a big tick sucking my armpit away. I just started screaming, "Help! Help!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 130

Tippi Hedren vibes

By Anonymous - 22/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I left for my shop in the work truck at 6 a.m. I was still in the process of waking up with my windows down, on a semi-busy street, when BAM! a bird flew in the window into the cab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 94

The strangeness of strangers

By TMI - 12/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, a man with one eye and a severely disfigured face accosted me at the grocery store. What started as a question about my shirt became an explanation for why he looks the way he does: He took a shotgun blast to the face. I didn't ask about or even draw attention to his appearance. Sweet dreams for me tonight! FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 112

Let sleeping dudes lie

By Anonymous - 10/06/2024 11:00

Today, there was a homeless guy asleep on a bench. I had to step around some kids and my bag hit the homeless guy. Now I can only assume he was a homeless veteran, because the speed with which he woke up, screamed “enemy contact”, and practically broke my knee, tells me he had years of training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 115

Rollercoaster ride of emotions

By He's ok, nobody died, all is good - 20/05/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I went to my dad's workplace because my sister was there and I wanted to see my newborn niece. I was overjoyed until my dad came up to me. It had apparently been pretty hectic for the past week, because he was on the verge of another stress-induced heart attack. Yes, another. We had to help him outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 81

Nope, no way

By fiat850 - 13/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I agreed to go on a bike ride with my boss, even though I think he's crazy. We rode for a few miles, then he decided it was time to merge onto the freeway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 103

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 100

Storage wars

By ADayAtATime - 20/04/2024 06:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, I brought my daughter to work with me. When we walked in, a client was blowing up at my boss, all because as my boss was walking past his storage unit, he glanced in and was about to compliment how neat it was. After my boss left, I had to deal with the aftermath, which left my daughter terrified of this man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 107

Spooked

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, because my husband wasn’t paying attention, he gave our 6 year-old his Netflix instead of the kid safe settings, so she watched a very gory horror film that has given her nightmares, so I now haven’t slept in 5 nights because of it. My husband face sleeps soundly through her screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 147

Dead man walking

By what did i do to deserve this - 03/03/2024 07:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I crossed the street at a crosswalk and someone in a big pickup truck swerved to try to hit me. This has happened to me multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 104

Bad doggies

By Fuck dogs, I need a treadmill - 23/02/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I went for a walk. I was repeatedly barked at, and almost attacked, by nearly a dozen dogs. I have cynophobia from being nearly killed by violent untrained dogs on several occasions, so just hearing a dog bark gives me severe heart palpitations. I'm not kidding when I say I almost had a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 167

Scaredy cat

By Luke - 15/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 216

Night time ferals

By Anonymous - 04/02/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the middle of the night is the time my Mom's crazy cats like to climb all over everything. They're adult cats but are still like kittens, so I get scared out of my wits whenever they knock something over in the middle of the night, because my mom didn't kitten-proof things for adult cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 149

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Zoom

The Top

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 123

You deserved it 40 855

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

The Top

Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 401

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 282

You deserved it 6 942

Today, after doing tons of research on a wand my little brother wanted for Christmas, I finally found one on eBay for $60. After already giving my credit card info and confirming the purchase, my dad called me and told me he found the exact same one for six bucks at a local toy store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 711

You deserved it 6 926

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I'd quite like to have kids someday. She responded: "Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don't they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 520

You deserved it 1 386

Today, I was walking to the bus for my first day at my new school. I tripped in the darkness and split my chin open and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 354

You deserved it 277

Today, I called the company with whom I had a job interview last week, which I thought went great, but hadn't heard back from. One of the interviewers claimed that I tried to grope her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 274

You deserved it 3 090