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The middleman

By matt - 30/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I realized that every girl who has approached me or I approached me since high school always ended up trying to get close to me to get close to any one of my friends. Every time I think we’re hitting it off, they ask. When I refuse to set them up, they get angry, and tell others I'm a creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 112

Stay at home weather

By Anonymous - 24/01/2024 12:00 - Germany

Today, I slipped and fell on a sudden patch of ice, on a road that had been completely fine until then, so I decided to push my bike past the icy patch before getting back on. Little did I know, the ice continued for the entire rest of the road, which was another 3km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 120

A Worldcon for Our Futures

By Semipro Writer - 11/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it's been a week since I flew to Scotland to attend a writer's retreat and then go to WorldCon to see friends and try and sell the book I just finished. I tested positive for Covid the first day of the retreat, and every day since. I already missed the retreat. Now it looks like I'll be missing the con, too. Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 104

Locked up

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, it’s been a couple of days since I hurt my knee. What did I do? Fall asleep sitting up, and somehow locking my knees. It’s been at least a week already. I’m only 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 96

Typical Ohia public bathroom

By Anonymous - 18/09/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when a dude broke into my stall, screamed, "No time to explain!" and ran out with a toilet paper roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 60

Panic!

By Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 112

The elite

By Anonymous - 26/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I had my pill check and the nurse cautioned me that my BMI says I'm obese. I'm an elite powerlifter and my weight is this high on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 138

Just make it stop

By Anonymous - 11/10/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, I’m stuck on a date with a man who got ready by washing his car instead of showering, is proud to never read newspapers because “they lie”, and thinks racist jokes count as witty conversation. I’d have left already but he drove me, there’s no bus stop nearby, and no Ubers in the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 140

Gamer bros

By honey poopoo - 25/03/2024 09:00 - Germany - Landshut

Today, I learned that my friend is selling his PlayStation 5. A few weeks ago I bought a PlayStation 5 to be able to play with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 117

Treat yourself

By dixie - 11/10/2024 23:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my unemployed-for-a-decade husband is out buying new dress shoes while I'm struggle to pay for the household bills and food all by myself. He can’t understand why I’m irritated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 150

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 00:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, after many years of being one of the best workers anywhere I worked, and being superhuman, I now have to accept that I may never be able to work full time again. Why? Because apparently I haven't been properly digesting food since I was 16 and I'm now 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 135

Anhedonia

By dead inside - 16/09/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my depression has reached the point where I don't even have the energy to seriously pursue any hobbies. Any time I find the motivation to try something new, I immediately get discouraged at the slightest difficulties, and become even more depressed. I don't even know why I'm trying anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 120

Make it stop

By prismatic - 29/01/2024 16:00 - United States - Denver

Today, at the age of 14, my neck, back, and feet take turns setting themselves on fire if I stand up for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 85

The heart wants what it wants

By bob - 18/04/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, the coworker I have been hitting it off with rejected me. Apparently she has a crush on another male employee. An employee who is married and somehow has three other girls in our store actually fighting over him (I've heard arguments). She thinks she has a chance? FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 222

Signals

By UnfortunatelyNotPsychic - 20/12/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom - Darlington

Today, my partner said I was ''foreign'' to him, like ''I didn't know him at all'' when I failed to correctly pick up on a highly specific thought he had about me, via text message. Sorry for not being psychic, babe? FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 116

Hello?

By Anonymous - 26/06/2024 12:00 - Denmark - Aalborg

Today, I found out that my parents forgot to invite me out to eat with them. I found this out when my mom invited my sister right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 82

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I was expected by my supervisor to drive out to one of our office's server locations. My car was dead and I couldn't go unless he gave me a ride, as he's the only coworker local to me; he couldn't because he's on vacation. I sent him a video of my car failing to crank. He responded, "You need to be more mobile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 148

Lost in the sauce

By Pauly D - 21/05/2024 00:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I cooked a romantic dinner for my partner to celebrate our five year anniversary. I spent hours preparing a snazzy meal. Just as we sat down to eat, I realized I had forgotten to turn off the oven, and our dessert was now a charred lump of coal. We only realised this when the fire alarm in the kitchen went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 186

Access to education

By Anonymous - 19/09/2024 18:00 - Oman - Muscat

Today, I was supposed to register my courses in college, but our stupid university changed the system, which means it's completely new. I went to my advisor, but he couldn't help. I went to the registration center; they told me to go to talk to the doctor who is teaching the course. He told me to go back to talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 90

Two speeds

By Anonymous - 03/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 66

Supermarket sweep

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 72

Get this off me!

By lovebuglovebirds - 08/07/2024 18:00 - United States - Johnson City

Today, as I was breastfeeding my daughter, I looked over and there was a big tick sucking my armpit away. I just started screaming, "Help! Help!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 130

Parental love

By Anonymous - 15/04/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my toxic daughter learned that yelling at a biker chick won’t just get her an argument, it will get her several broken bones and a concussion. The FML is that I now have to take care of her with her broken leg for six weeks. I hate her; she’s such a bitch to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 318

Quite the catch

By Anonymous - 03/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, and for over week, one of my nostrils has been stuffed to the point I can't breathe through it. I tried nasal spray and blowing it out, but nothing worked. I wanted to go to the doctor but first, I used a flashlight and a pair of tweezers. The giant, crusted booger bullet I pulled out was as long as my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 103

Gold digger

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 00:00 - France - Lyon

Today, my boyfriend send me a text to inform me that his mother had told him that I was only with him for his money, which he got from his dad's will… even though we were already together at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 66

Time to get a bike!

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I have to get up at 6 a.m. each day to make it to a class at 8 because of commuter traffic. The college has decided to eliminate an entire parking lot right next to the building where my class takes place, to build a parking garage, which will take 2 years. The only open parking is a field clear across the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 127

Here's how I feel…

By Anonymous - 01/08/2024 15:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I love my parents, but I'm culturally obliged to support them. However, I always feel sad because I can't purchase and pursue what I want, because my finances will suffer. I feel like I cannot enjoy my life to the fullest. They think I have money all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 118

Cool new look

By Anonymous - 10/12/2023 09:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I decided to try a new hair removal cream. Turns out, I'm allergic to it. My face now looks like a tomato with eyebrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 139

Sneaking around

By Anonymous - 23/07/2024 18:00 - United States - Elkton

Today, and as of late, my girlfriend of 6 months has been getting distant with me, but reassures me that she still loves me. I found out she was hanging out with her ex-girlfriend of two years. They even went out to dinner, and she didn't tell me. I was planning on taking her out tonight too, and I only found out because my friend ran into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 113

This is fine

By New North Pole - 18/01/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that as of right now, the North Pole is somehow warmer than where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 131

Keywords

My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Relatable Work Money DIY Parenting Kids Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Stop everything you're doing right now, there's an (almost) naked lady in today's illustration! Plus, there's a puppet AND doctors. It's the perfect illustration, made by Gemma Correll, our British artist of the day. Check out her interview! ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 9

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 511

You deserved it 84 244

The Top

Today, I had my first appointment with my new therapist. After I told her my family history and past abusive situations, she looked at me and asked, "How are you still sane?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 152

Today, I called to confirm the appointment that I made over six months ago at the tattoo studio. Turns out my particular artist "doesn't work Tuesdays" and that they also miraculously have no record of my appointment, nor the cash deposit I had to put down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 776

You deserved it 7 967

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 835

You deserved it 6 586

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 694

You deserved it 7 114

Today, I found out that my girlfriend’s friends secretly make fun of me. They call me “grandpa” and a “massive creep.” They’re in their 20s. My girlfriend is 22 and I’m 48. Apparently, dating a consenting legal adult is considered “creepy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 1 900

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the backseat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 660

You deserved it 47 111