Sex, Valentine's Day, Romantic and Intimacy: Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day

By henhouse - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Brunswick East

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 569

You deserved it 3 826

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 18:50

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 928

You deserved it 9 845

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 973

You deserved it 3 072

Nuts

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 20:03 - United States

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 863

You deserved it 6 149

By Emily - 21/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 728

You deserved it 42 660

By ShouldveStayedAVirgin - 13/01/2016 18:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 925

You deserved it 7 085

True romantic

By Anonymous - 28/03/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. During the act, he looked deep in to my eyes before whispering, "Up the arse next time?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 199

You deserved it 373

By EliseV - 03/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 968

You deserved it 6 007

By unsatisfied - 09/02/2010 03:33 - France

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 463

You deserved it 5 362

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 043

You deserved it 6 089

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 013

You deserved it 4 134

MikaykayUnicorn 36

Sunday 19 July 2015 11:57

"Prepare for take off."

pizzafrommars 14

Sunday 19 July 2015 11:58

Lemme tell a similar story. Happened about an hour ago. I attempted to lose my virginity to the most beautiful girl on earth. Couldn't get it up.

Comments

gymnast71 9

Monday 20 July 2015 7:54

hahaha cockpit... ****...pit... I'm. done.

itskvn 19

Monday 20 July 2015 9:07

That was funny also it could set off the heat in you.

thorpe90 8

Monday 20 July 2015 10:18

So... You ever been to a Turkish prison

JoJoKittyCat 6

Monday 20 July 2015 17:27

COCKpit

rylite 2

Monday 20 July 2015 18:05

2?!

dia_love 4

Monday 20 July 2015 20:18

pray that u r of age and know that sex is a serious thing. if u r a kid u need to stay that way for a long time. stay safe

cosmicdancer84 7

Tuesday 21 July 2015 8:46

is he stupid for saying that or are you stupid for losing your virginity to this guy? think about that.

lordofwinterfell 9

Tuesday 21 July 2015 12:48

brings literal meaning to "2 pump chump"

jlujan00_fml 9

Tuesday 21 July 2015 17:54

That's not that bad dude, nothing wrong with humor had sexy times mixing occasionally

Chip_N_Dale88 6

Tuesday 21 July 2015 20:17

PULL OUT! PULL OUT! PULL OUT!

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weird Clothes Underwear Cute Halloween Animals Dogs Fire Awkward Smells Love First Dates Work Scary Phobias Kids Shopping Embarrassing Therapy Mental health Health Friends Am I overreacting? AITA Birthday Poopoo peepee Customers Thief Argument

The Top

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity." I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 450

You deserved it 3 309

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard, "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 913

You deserved it 2 818

The Top

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 169

You deserved it 4 751

Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 119

You deserved it 321

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 007

You deserved it 6 733

Today, the woman I left my wife for says she doesn’t wanna date me because she "sees me as a best friend” and “You just got divorced, it’s kinda awkward.” I caught feelings for this woman, tried to fight it for months and finally caved in, only to be told she sees me as a platonic friend. My wife won’t take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 2 143

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 302

You deserved it 5 655

Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 454

You deserved it 25 228

Happy Valentine's Day

Same thing different taste

Nuts

True romantic

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