Health, Sex, Birthday, Awkward and Intimacy: How romantic - FML

How romantic

By fishtacos - 01/12/2014 03:32 - United States - Fontana

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 160

You deserved it 6 756

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Same thing different taste

Charmer

By anonymous - 19/09/2010 00:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 446

You deserved it 9 146

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 6 877

By amber - 19/04/2012 18:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 730

You deserved it 4 780

By random123 - 29/11/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 155

You deserved it 7 741

How's about you go **** yourself, knobhead?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I have a potty mouth and that I should clean it with Harpic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 296

By "BunnysKitty" - 15/09/2017 23:15

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 890

By Derp McShitstain - 16/09/2012 19:48 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 712

You deserved it 2 769

PMS

By tamp - 22/06/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything. I replied, "Guess." He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently, I've been bitchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 539

You deserved it 71 183

Ice age

By Drew - 16/01/2022 16:59

Today, my girlfriend was thoughtful enough to buy me some "Dude Wipes" because I work on construction sites and most of the time it's use a Porta Potty or hold it. I was late and decided I'd use the work potty. Grabbed my wipes, did my business., went to wipe and… FROZEN SOLID! Hell of a way to start my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 141

By Deaf Dumb & Blonde - 01/09/2016 21:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 523

You deserved it 2 204

Next

Top comments

eyebrowzzz 21

Monday 1 December 2014 11:06

Buy him XS condoms for Christmas and say "they were all out of S but these probably fit you better" ;)

Raxal 21

Monday 1 December 2014 11:00

One can only wonder what he'll buy you for Christmas...

Comments

otecasacid 22

Tuesday 2 December 2014 6:19

I mean... It's not really nice of you to expect him to perform on you if you're not properly cleaned.

amarie2009 22

Tuesday 2 December 2014 9:26

Everybody is jumping the guy, but could it not be that the girl needs to brush up on how to clean your cootch?

limabeans101029 20

Tuesday 2 December 2014 23:30

You shouldn't need cleansing wipes to clean it though. All you need is warm water, other things can cause irritation.

ThePols 11

Tuesday 2 December 2014 12:31

"I had you all over for dinner. Fish tacos. Why you gonna play me like that"

hateredblast 7

Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:22

Thats the thing about boyfriends - its YOU who chose him, so dont complain when he does stupid shit!

dacheif117 8

Tuesday 2 December 2014 14:39

The gift that keeps on giving!

Sakuraashita 15

Tuesday 2 December 2014 15:39

He's a keeper...

kalbrek009 20

Tuesday 2 December 2014 17:40

Idk what to say...by far, one of the most bizarre fmls I've read in the 3+yrs I've been reading them....maybe buy a tiny bottle of lotion & a magnifying glass for his b-day & a card that reads "it puts the lotion on its skin, else it gets the hose"?

interesting33 36

Tuesday 2 December 2014 22:16

Vaginas are self cleaning.

BagelTheOtaku 25

Wednesday 3 December 2014 13:08

take the hint

redstone7693 29

Thursday 4 December 2014 5:04

what about the pine apple juice

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I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 3

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 620

You deserved it 2 723

The Top

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 814

You deserved it 71 867

Today, I woke up my friend and had him take me to the ER. I had trouble breathing and my chest hurt, so the doctor put me on an EKG and took X-rays. I had strained my chest lifting weights at the gym earlier that day and pulled a muscle, and now thanks to my massive anxiety I have a $700 hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 330

You deserved it 1 955

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 127

You deserved it 4 066

Today, after I’ve been head-over heels crushing on a girl for years, she finally told me she felt the same. A month after I'd moved to a different country forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 220

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 671

You deserved it 2 674

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 281

You deserved it 6 412