Love: Useful idiot - FML

Useful idiot

By taintedlover - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 555

You deserved it 7 734

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Same thing different taste

Timing is everything

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 22:54 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend, all while I was still inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 985

You deserved it 3 403

By ClearOne - 12/05/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend considers me a glorified ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 661

You deserved it 31 992

By ...thanks - 07/09/2013 14:17 - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 690

You deserved it 4 889

By Anonymous - 10/08/2012 22:06 - Thailand - Bangkok

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 538

You deserved it 4 973

By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 23:01 - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 230

You deserved it 5 177

By hahahawoww - 31/01/2010 00:32 - United States

Today, I discovered that my best friend of 3 years has me in her phone as "Stupid Bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 488

You deserved it 4 464

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By nobody - 01/07/2023 00:02

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's best friend started coming on to me. I was appalled, and told her she was a terrible friend. My girlfriend jumped out of nowhere and started crying. Apparently, her kink is watching her best friend and boyfriend fuck, and she's now mad I didn't go for it. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 210

By .... - 24/12/2013 02:48 - United States - Modesto

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 078

You deserved it 3 735

By dumped - 27/10/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 846

You deserved it 2 800

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 939

You deserved it 4 146

Next

Top comments

harrypotter955 19

Wednesday 14 May 2014 1:39

1800-choke DAT hoe

The_Big_Boss 20

Wednesday 14 May 2014 1:39

She enjoys the sex.. So you've got that going for you, which is nice

Comments

Junie_B 3

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:18

No kitty! That is mah pot pie!

illegalbeagle69 23

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:31

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

LowExpectations 30

Wednesday 14 May 2014 22:53

Maaaa, kitty is being a *****.

flame5768 14

Thursday 15 May 2014 7:06

No! bad Mr. kitty!

lizard365 12

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:21

it seems like all she sees you for is sex and since she said"annoying emotions" she does not really care about your feelings, just buy her a ***** and leave better yet just leave and let her buy her own.

weveallbeenthere 30

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:23

at least you are useful.

shudson186 17

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:28

Deep throat her so hard... She definitely deserves the punishment.

rock_stud 9

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:31

You might wanna find a new **** buddy that you don't have emotions to.

CRC_101 31

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:35

See I'll go along with my boyfriend's friends' jokes to some degree, but you keep a large space between general joking and anything the person you care about would find an insecurity in. Granted, his friend would be an absolutely terrible friend if he were joking that the guy is a ***** with annoying emotions, so, I'm sure this is not the situation. She's probably a bitch, and I'm sorry for that. Do keep an eye on that friend though.

MissBehavin77 18

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:43

This irritates me. It's hard to find a guy that actually has emotions and OP ends up with one of the bitches who doesn't appreciate it. Hope you dump her and find someone else who likes who you are instead of just using you like a piece of meat.

ChelzTheWolfGirl 29

Wednesday 14 May 2014 4:22

Well isn't she a great girlfriend. *Sarcasm*

xSapphireCloudx 4

Wednesday 14 May 2014 4:25

You mean ex-girlfriend, right?

wvcheesehead 13

Wednesday 14 May 2014 4:30

Well a ***** is the gift that keeps on giving, enjoy the ride.

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The Top

Today, thanks to my husband's obsession with needing a massive garage built instead of a bog standard garden shed, we dug up some Roman building last week, and our garden is now swarming with archaeologists banging on about history and ruining my weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 1 152

Today, I realized my cousin is an asshole. A cousin that I was close to who got engaged. I was excited to be part of her wedding day, since she was a big part of mine. Months later, on Instagram, she was sharing reels from her bachelorette party. When I asked her why she didn't invite me, she said she forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 87

The Top

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 857

You deserved it 3 604

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 018

You deserved it 2 645

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 435

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 3 418

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 261

You deserved it 5 226

Today, I was wondering why my cheap and overall great apartment had been available for so long. After some research, it's now pretty clear: my landlord is, apparently, a well-known slumlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 308

You deserved it 1 400