When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 520

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Same thing different taste

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 13 576

By poisonivyandbigfoot - 10/09/2017 20:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 4 359

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 319

By heyhijello - 09/09/2013 22:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 073

You deserved it 12 726

By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 549

You deserved it 52 002

By Dani - 24/01/2012 05:23 - Australia

Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 329

You deserved it 26 733

Like a dog

By Jick - 26/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 294

Stained

By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 403

You deserved it 54 562

Pissed

By Matt - 13/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 530

Sprinkler

By shelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 956

You deserved it 7 573

ahabsfan 14

Sunday 15 March 2020 11:46

Was somebody else in the shower?

Seeya55 31

Sunday 15 March 2020 12:22

They apparently only own a toilet! No tub, shower or sinks! Let alone maybe a BOWL? It was just pee..or so OP says lol.

Comments

ahabsfan 14

Sunday 15 March 2020 11:46

Was somebody else in the shower?

Seeya55 31

Sunday 15 March 2020 12:22

They apparently only own a toilet! No tub, shower or sinks! Let alone maybe a BOWL? It was just pee..or so OP says lol.

africanqueen202 4

Monday 16 March 2020 0:41

For real I pee in the tub all the time

bloopaloop 27

Sunday 15 March 2020 16:32

It’s a good thing you used your full name so anyone who knows you and sees this can make fun of you.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 15 March 2020 17:18

Why are you rubbing your ass on the bush? When I pee on a tree, I don't scrape my dick on the bark.

rotflqtms_ 21

Monday 16 March 2020 0:32

Maybe when she bent down to squat she accidentally brushed her butt against it. I'm not sure why she had to pee so close to the Bush to touch it, but maybe she was trying not to be seen and tried to use it to hide or something. You pee facing forward. She had to turn away from whatever she was peeing on and blindly squat also taking care not to get her clothes or shoes wet while also balancing and trying to keep out of sight of any people passing by as she can't just pull out a penis and start peeing... but... to go outside to pee when you're already inside... I would have peed in the shower. Not a sink like some people suggested... but there are buckets, there are plastic disposable cups... so many things to use, and she went outside to pee after being inside...