All the FMLs

Clogged

By Anonymous - 24/03/2023 00:00

Today, I ended up in the hospital for the fourth time since beginning of January due to kidney stones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 112

It's all deregulation's fault

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 22:00

Today, it's been a few days since I moved into a new apartment and was excited to finally have a balcony. I went out to enjoy the view, but as I leaned against the railing, it gave way and I fell two stories onto the pavement below. I ended up with a broken leg and a huge medical bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 111

One can only hope

By sadgirl - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 811

You deserved it 540

Oh, the humanity

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 18:00

Today, I was giving a presentation at work but accidentally spilled water all over my laptop. I tried to dry it off, but it wouldn't turn on. I had to give the presentation awkwardly using my phone and everyone took the piss out of me and my shoddy performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 252

Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening

By Bamboozled - 23/03/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I thought I heard a nasty storm brewing, even though there was no warning that one would occur. I then realized it was one of my cats, stuck behind a chair and trying to escape with little success. Yes, her escape attempts were that noisy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 166

Dodged a landmine

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 12:00

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom, but she decided I was “unsuitable.” I hoped he’d be on my side. Nope, he just accepted her word as law, broke up with me, and pushed me outside. He'd driven me there, so I had to find a bus in a city I’ve never been to, in the dark, without a coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 121

Snooper hack

By Yazzy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 437

You deserved it 8 123

Mah grandbabiiiiiies!!!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 06:00

Today, my brother-in-law's baby died due to SIDS. I called my mom, hoping to hear words of comfort for losing my nephew at such a young age, but instead she told me to not let something like this scare me into not having kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 120

Incapacitated

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 02:00 - United States

Today, I tried a new workout routine at the gym. I was feeling great until I dropped a big-ass weight on my foot and had to go to the hospital. After hours of waiting, the doctor told me that I had a broken toe and would need to wear a cast for six weeks. The worst part? I have a job interview next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 170

This is fine

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 00:00

Today, I hopped on a tram without a ticket to travel one stop in order to save 5 minutes off my walk. Instead, I got a $230 fine and ended up 15 minutes further away from my destination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 1 518

No dress code

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Sherman Oaks

Today, I overslept. I didn’t have any time to get ready for school so I just went in my pajamas. When I got there, my teacher walked up to to me and said, “Nice pajamas!” However, I understood, “Nice vagina!” so I replied, “Oh thanks. Nice penis!” I’m dropping out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 1 255

Slip up

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 18:00

Today, I had pest guys over, so I asked if I should put my cat away. They asked if he was crazy, and I usually call him a "nut job" or a "handful" but instead of one of those, I said, "He's a handjob" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 232

False economy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I tried to save money by buying a generic brand of coffee instead of my usual brand. It tasted terrible and I ended up throwing it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 336

Close but no cigar

By Degenerate - 22/03/2023 09:00 - United States - Bedford

Today, I learned that in spite of walking during the ceremony, my graduation was denied. That was nearly 4 years ago, and I never knew this was a possibility. I'd been a drop-out all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 172

Glitterati

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 12:00

Today, my girlfriend and her friends mocked my "fragile masculinity" because I bought men's body wash instead of sharing her body wash. Her body wash is full of glitter, which irritates my skin horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 115

Is everything OK?

By Spooky - 22/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I found myself daydreaming about being a skeleton. Why? Because skeletons don't have skin, so they don't develop giant pimples in inconvenient places that make you unable to move without discomfort. In this case, on the back of my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 103

Wasps can **** right off

By Jeff - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 190

You deserved it 42 236

Spillage

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 06:00

Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 150

Fresh air

By Ceecee - 22/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk in the park. I was enjoying the fresh air until my dog spotted a squirrel and took off running. I ended up getting dragged through the mud and had to walk home covered in dirt and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 241

Fight clubbed

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 02:00

Today, my wife picked a fight with a guy twice my size, then expected me to “man up and teach the bitch a lesson.” I’m not insane so I of course refused to fight, then she locked me out of the house for embarrassing her in front of her sisters. I want a frisking divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 140

It's the thought that counts

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 00:00

Today, I drove two hours to secretly buy an antique book my wife has been looking for for 30 years since her childhood copy was lost in a house fire. There was one other guy there interested in buying it, we were both cash buyers but with one difference: I was the one who forgot his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 335

Out of shape

By Out of shape - 21/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I got extremely winded from adjusting my blanket. What a workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 359

Life insurance?

By Rusty - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - New City

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 2 787

Last laugh

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 18:00

Today, my ex-roommate, who decided to move out when my other roommate and I told her we didn't want a giant dresser for her dogs' clothes and stuff in the dining room, took the door knob out of the door to her former bedroom and threw some of my things in the recycling bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 118

Not getting it

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my boss about the importance of a decent work/life balance. He then asked me to work overtime on a Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 123

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 14:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning, only to find out that I had been brushing my teeth wrong for years. He told me you're supposed to let the toothpaste do its magic instead of rinsing it off. Is this true? FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 407

Gurning

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I had a video call with my boss, but my internet connection was so bad that my video feed ended up freezing in the most unflattering pose possible. I had to explain to my boss that I wasn't actually making a weird face on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 84

Probable cause

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 05:00 - United States - Corinth

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I know that I was in the wrong and will take responsibility for that. When the cop handed me my ticket, he asked me if I was smoking crack. I denied it because I don't do drugs. He asked me what that foul odor was. I was passing gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 200

Here's your login details

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 811

You deserved it 3 549

Windy day

By Tree - 21/03/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, my dog was about to get hit by a tree branch, so I yelled for him to move. He got mad and started barking at me. And got nailed by the tree branch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 135

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Weddings Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument Parenting Kids Thanksgiving Covid Medication Ironic Cute Proposal Sports Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 354

You deserved it 5 630

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 568

You deserved it 19 251

The Top

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 691

You deserved it 36 935

Today, I let my dog outside to play. He shat on three cars, played dead in the middle of the street, and chased my neighbors' cat into a pool. When he came back into the house, he had a note taped to his back saying "IOU 1 lawsuit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 996

You deserved it 25 041

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 739

You deserved it 5 814

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 273

You deserved it 3 352

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter overreacted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 414

You deserved it 3 562

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 212

You deserved it 5 155